


I'm Getting What I Signed Up For And More

by Reedtail



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Artist Connor, Cynthia Murphy Tries, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heidi's a good mom, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jared isn’t just an asshole, Larry Murphy Tries (Eventually), M/M, Pining Zoe, Suicide Attempt, We don't deserve Heidi Hansen, he has his own problems too, pining connor, step bros au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 00:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17376206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reedtail/pseuds/Reedtail
Summary: Connor Didn't expect to find a new friend in the bathroom at the Halloween party. Michael didn't expect Connor could actually help him.Aka, what if the Dear Evan Hansen characters played a part in helping Michael with the 'squipcident'Sorry, I'm bad at summaries.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first fanfic on here. I'm not sure what the update schedule is going to be like, I'm thinking maybe every 1-2 weeks, maybe just whenever I finish a chapter. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Connor is a little ooc in this chapter, but he'll be more in character later on. I don't think there's any triggers in this chapter, but please tell me if I'm wrong.

Connor slammed the bathroom door, breathing heavily. Stupid party. Why had Zoe dragged him here anyway. He knew they were trying to fix the gap between them since… since what happened last month, but Connor hated parties, and she knew that.

 

“Excuse me?” Connor whipped around. There was a kid sitting in the bathtub. He was wearing glasses and a shirt that said ‘CREEPS’. He looked like he had been crying.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in here.” He grumbled.

 

“It’s fine. Did you need to, uh,” he nodded to the toilet. “I can leave.”

 

“No, uh, I just-“ Connor said.

 

“Wanted to get away from all the people?” The kid finished. Connor nodded, crossing his arms and leaning against the door.

 

“Is that why you’re in here?” Connor asked.

 

The boy chuckled bitterly. “Only partly,”

 

Connor looked at him. “No offense,” he said. “But you look terrible.”

 

“Yeah,” the boy replied. “I probably do.” He sighed. “Friends are just really shitty sometimes, y’know?”

 

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t have any friends, so,”

 

“Oh,” the boy trailed off.

 

“No, it’s fine. It’s my fault, I kind of ruined the only chance I had at having a friend.” He sighed. “Besides, who would want to be friends with the kid who smokes weed instead of going to class and’ll most likely be dead before he reaches age 20.” He said, his voice dripping with bitterness.

 

The boy was silent for a moment. “I understand how you feel.”

 

“You do?” Connor asked.

 

“I guess.” He huffed. “Why even bother having friends, they’ll just end up calling you a loser and breaking your heart after abandoning you for some girl.”

 

“Yeah, fuck friends.” Connor said.

 

The boy laughed, almost genuinely this time. “I wish. I’m Michael, by the way.”

 

“Connor,” he replied.

 

“Nice to meet you, Connor.” Connor smiled, actually smiled. Maybe he did have a chance at a friend. “It seems neither of us really want to be here. What’s your excuse?”

 

“My sister dragged me here with her.” Connor said. “You?”

 

“I was hoping to talk some sense into my so called ‘best friend’, but obviously that didn’t turn out well.” Michael rolled his eyes.

 

“At least you had someone you could call a friend. Last time I tried to make a friend, I ended up jumping to conclusions and yelling at him. He is probably terrified of me now just like everyone else, if he wasn’t already.” He and Michael ended up talking for a few minutes. Turns out they were both giant fucking losers who smoked weed and, at the moment at least, had no friends. They had a lot of differences, but Michael was fun to talk to.

 

“What do you say we ditch this party and get slushies at 7-11?” Michael said at one point.

 

“Sure.” Connor said.

 

“Do you have a car, or,” Michael said.

 

“Me sister brought me here.” Connor replied.

 

“Okay,” Michael said. “I can give you a ride if you want.”

 

“That would be great.” Connor said. “Thanks.” He sent Zoe a quick text so she didn’t think he was doing something stupid. “Alright, let’s go.”

 

Michael climbed out of the tub, pulling some keys out of his pocket and twirling them on his finger. Connor followed him outside, where he stopped at an old P.T. Cruiser. He unlocked the doors. “Get in.” He said.

 

The 10 minute drive to 7-11 was mostly silent, Michael and Connor occasionally asking the other a question. When they got there, they both ended up getting a red slushy. Michael insisted on paying, and Connor decided it was probably better not to argue. He seemed pretty determined to pay. After they bought their slushies, they went to eat them in Michael’s car.

 

“Do you go to the High School here? I don’t think I’ve seen you before. What grade are you in?” Michael asked.

 

“I’m a Senior.” Connor said. “It’s also a big school.”

 

“Oh. I’m a Junior.” Michael said.

 

“Huh. You might know my little sister Zoe. Zoe Murphy.”

 

“Sounds familiar. I think I might have English with her. I don’t know.” There was a minute of silence.

 

“So,” Connor said. “If you don’t mind me asking, what was the other reason you were in the bathroom? You didn’t really elaborate.”

 

Michael sighed. He seemed to be contemplating something. “You don’t have to tell me if you d-”

 

“No,” Michael cut him off. “It’s probably good for me to get it out to someone. It just… it’s kind of crazy.” He took a deep breath before jumping into the story. “So my best friend, Jeremy, he has this girl he likes, Christine, and he found out about this pill called a Squip that apparently helps you be cool. He took it to help him impress her, I guess? But anyway, he’s been ignoring me for weeks, so I decided to do some research.

 

“There’s literally nothing about it on the internet, which is weird, ‘cause like, what’s not on the internet! So I asked around, and this guy I play Warcraft with, he said his brother took one, and he’s now in a mental hospital. He went crazy trying to get it out. Which got me thinking, who made them, what’s their real purpose?

 

“So I tried to tell Jeremy but,” Michael looked close to tears. He took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he continued. “I tried telling Jeremy, but I don’t think he believed me. He just called me a loser, and then… and then left.”

 

Connor stared at him. “I- I’m sorry, Michael. Is- is there any way I could help you? I could help you look for information on the… Squip? I don’t know how much help I would be, but I might be able to do something.”

 

Michael took a breath, and then nodded. “Thank you.” He said shakily.

 

“Yeah.” Connor said. “Do you have a phone? We can exchange phone numbers, and I’ll tell you if I find anything.”

 

“Okay.” Michael said. They handed each other their phones. Connor typed in his number.

 

“Hey, if you ever, like, just need to talk, text me, okay?” Connor said, handing Michael’s phone back.

 

“Yeah,” Michael said. “Same goes for you.” They sat in silence for a bit, finishing off the rest of their slushies. “Uh, where do you live? I can take you home.”

 

“Oh, yeah.” Connor gave him his address, and Michael nodded, turning on his car and pulling out of the parking lot.

 

They pulled up to Connor’s house. “Hey,” Michael said as Connor started to get out. “Thanks for listening to me.”

 

Connor gave a small smile. “Yeah,” He said. “Well, I like being able to have someone I can call my friend. Are we friends?”

 

“Yeah.” Michael laughed. “We’re friends.”

 

“Well, uh, thanks.” Connor said before shutting the door and walking up to his house. He checked the time on his phone. 12:36. Hopefully his parents were already asleep. He quietly slipped in, and, by some stroke of luck, didn’t see or hear anyone awake.

 

He tiptoed up the stairs and into his room, carefully shutting the door behind him. He sat down on his bed and let out a small breath. Tonight had actually ended up better than he thought it would be. He had actually made a friend without fucking anything up. The small taste of friendship left him craving more.

 

If only he hadn’t yelled at Hansen the first day of school. He still had the letter he had taken from him, but since then had read through it all. That’s when he made the conclusion to apologize to Evan. He would give his letter back and tell him that he was sorry for yelling at him, and maybe, just maybe they wouldn’t have to pretend they had friends.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake finds Rich during the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, two chapters in a day. Again, I don't think there's any triggers in this chapter, but please tell me if I'm wrong.

Jake stood in the corner, taking occasional sips from his cup. The party had started to die down a little. It was nearly one, and some people had started to leave. That didn’t mean his house wasn’t still full of drunk teenagers. He sighed. He had tried to not drink too much, but it wasn’t a party if you didn’t get a little drunk.

Jake looked around. He wondered where Rich was. Last time he had seen him had been half an hour ago, at least, and he had sounded panicked, saying something about… red soda? He wasn’t sure. Well, he hadn’t even seen him. More like heard him banging on his bedroom door. Jake hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but the more he thought about it, the more worried he got.

He might as well ask around. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. “Hey, err…” he walked up to Jenna Rolan, who was doing something on her phone. “Have you seen Rich anywhere?”

“Uh,” she said, looking up. “Yeah, why?”

“I dunno, I just… I haven’t seen him for a bit, and last time I did, he seemed, I don’t know, something just seemed a little off?”

“Oh, well he was around here maybe 10, 15 minutes ago? He was asking if anyone knew where he could get some… Mountain Dew Red, I think? Yeah.” She paused. “I don’t even think that’s an actual thing… have you ever heard of it before?”  She asked, but Jake was already walking away.

He asked around some more, but mostly just got shrugs, or more often, no answer at all. He was starting to get more and more nervous, but he wasn’t sure why. He needed to calm down. Rich had probably just gone home.

Jake decided he would just send him a text, making sure he wasn’t safe. God, he hoped Rich wasn’t stupid enough to do something like drive home drunk. When he turned his phone on, however, his panic rushed back. 23 texts and 2 missed calls. He read through some of the texts.

 

[12:03] From Rich:

Jake

 

[12:04] From Rich:

Jake

 

[12:04] From Rich:

Jake I need your help

 

[12:05] From Rich:

Jake where are u I need your help

 

[12:05] From Rich:

Jake pls where r u

 

[12:05] From Rich:

Jake do u know where I can get some mtn dew red

 

[12:06] From Rich:

It’s like regular mtn dew but red

 

[12:06] From Rich:

Seriously where r u I really need ur help

 

[12:06] From Rich:

Pls this is urgent I don’t know where I can find some but I need ur help I’m running out of time

 

[12:06] From Rich:

Jake pls

 

[12:07] From Rich:

Jake

 

[12:07] From Rich:

Jake pls this is really important I really need ur help

 

[12:07] From Rich:

Jake pls I’m running out of time

 

Jake was getting really worried. What did he mean ‘I’m running out of time’? He scrolled to the bottom of the texts. The last one had been 12 minutes ago. His last call had been 7 minutes ago. What was going on?

Jake shoved his phone back into his pocket and looked around in panic. Where the fuck was Rich? He ran through the room, shouting his short friend’s name. He sprinted up the stairs, knocking hard on each door. He checked the kitchen. As he emerged, he saw kids running for the door, screaming and yelling. They were coming from the hall.

Jake barreled through the hoard of teens, shouting Rich’s name. He could smell… something, and as the crowd thinned, he could see a black haze coming from the end of the hall. Oh no. Oh god no, please, no-

The smoke was coming from the last door in the hall, the family room. Jake went to open the door, but he burnt his hand on the handle. Jerking his hand away, he stared at it for a split second before thinking, fuck it, turning the red-hot door knob and throwing the door open. He was blasted in the face with thick, black smoke. He coughed and waved it away the best he could before squinting into the room.

Everything was fire, the entire room, and in the center of it was Rich, smashed bottles at his feet, covered in burns and tears streaming down his face. He was staring wide-eyed at Jake.

“Rich!” Jake yelled, arm blocking most of his face. He didn’t have a second thought before dashing into the room, ignoring the flames, and scooping up the smaller boy.

“Jake,” Rich breathed. “Jake, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t- he made me, Jake. Jake I’m sorry I’m so so sorry, please-”

Jake didn’t know what exactly he was talking about, all that was on his mind was getting them out of there. It was getting more and more difficult to see by the moment. He set Rich down. “Come on!” He yelled, dragging him in what he hoped was the direction of the front door.

The wave of pure relief he felt when he spotted the exit through the haze was doused by despair as he heard a loud crack. He threw out his arm, stopping Rich from running in front of him just as part of the roof collapsed over the door.

“Shit,” he hissed. Rich was still rambling, repeating ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again.

Jake grabbed Rich’s hand and pulled him up the stairs. He slammed open the door of the first bedroom and quickly glanced around, spotting a window. He ran over to it, pulled it open, then punched out the screen. He scooped up Rich once more.

“Wha- wha- wait! What’re- what’re you doing?!” Rich yelled.

“Getting us out of here!” Jake shouted back. He lifted his foot to the windowsill.

Everything after that was a blur. Jumping from the second story window, his best friend in his arms, the sharp pain that ran through his legs, Rich’s yelling, the sirens and lights. The last thing he remembered before he’d passed out was being loaded into the back of an ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is even shorter than the last one, but I promise they'll get longer!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor asks Evan to be his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a mostly fluffy chapter, because the next few are probably going to be fairly angsty.

Evan walked into school. Like every morning, the halls were filled with students and noise. Halloween had been on Friday. Unlike what most High Schoolers probably did, Evan had set a bowl of candy outside and watched a movie, and not even a scary one. He didn’t like scary movies, they made him anxious, and he already had enough of that to deal with. Jared had invited him to come to a party with him, but he had declined. Evan wasn’t really a party person.   


He came to his locker and started to get his textbooks when Jared showed up. “So, how’d you end up spending Halloween?” He asked. “Did you just end up handing out candy or something, ‘cause you didn’t come with me, and you stopped trick-or-treating when we were 14 because you didn’t like interacting with people, and ‘we’re too old for that, it would be awkward’ or whatever.”

  
“Well, you see, I actually just, uh, put a bowl of candy outside and, uh, and watched a movie.” Evan said.

  
“Why am I not surprised?” Jared said. “It’s probably a good thing you didn’t come to that party with me after all. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but some kid ended up setting the house on fire at the end.”   
“What?!” Evan said.

  
“Yeah, and from what I heard, the kid who set the fire, a junior named Rich, was the guy who threw the party, Jake Dillinger’s best friend. And get this, apparently, he wasn’t high or drunk or anything, he knew exactly what he was doing.”

  
“Oh, uh,” Evan wasn’t sure how to react. “I uh- I hope everyone got out alright…”

  
“Oh, yeah, everyone got out. The only people who were even injured were Rich, who was covered in burns, and Jake, who broke both his legs saving Rich.” Jared said.

  
Evan’s mind frantically fished around for something to say. He felt bad for the people Jared was talking about, but he didn’t know them, and he really wasn't one to gossip.

  
He was saved by the appearance of Alana Beck, who immediately went into conversation with Jared. Evan quickly finished getting his stuff from his locker. He looked at his watch. He still had 15 minutes until he needed to be in class. He decided he might as well just stay here and wait while Jared and Alana talked. He didn't have anywhere to go because it was awkward to be in class 15 minutes early, but it was also awkward to just wander around, so here he was, awkwardly standing here,but not as awkward as he would be if he had done something else.

  
Evan felt a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see none other than Connor Murphy. "Hi," Connor said.   
"Um, h-hi?" Evan said, but it came out as more of a question. He was confused. Last time he and Connor had interacted was on the first day of school,and that hadn’t ended too well. Connor had seen what Evan had written about Zoe, and Evan had been too useless to explain and Connor probably hated him.

  
"Are you busy?" He asked, nodding towards Jared and Alana, who were deep in conversation.

  
"Uh, n-no." Evan said.

  
"Do you want to go somewhere quieter?" Evan was really confused now. Why did Connor want to go somewhere quiet? Probably to confront me about my letter. Evan realized. Did he read it all? Most likely, and now he knows how pathetic I am.   


"U-um, okay, sh-sure."  God, he couldn't say no, could he? Though he had to admit, he was slightly curious.

  
"Okay." Connor started walking off, and Evan followed. He led them to the library. When they got in, Connor turned to him and started digging around in his bag. He pulled out a small, folded piece of paper. Oh no. Evan thought. He had been right. This was about the letter. Connor thought he was a weirdo and a loser and he was probably going to yell at him and-

  
“I wanted to say that I’m sorry about last month, and I wanted to give this back.” That was not what Evan was expecting. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. So, uh, here.” Connor held out the letter.

Evan stared at it, a bit shocked. “I- I don’t need it anymore. You can, uh, you can keep it if- if you want.”

Connor chuckled, and Evan realized how weird that was to say. “Sorry,” Evan said.

“For what?” Connor asked.

“I just, that was really awkward, and you, you gave itbacktomeandIsaidyoucouldkeepitandyouprobablythinkthat’sreallyweird I’m sorry.” Evan blurted.

“Woah, woah, it’s fine, slow down.” Connor said.

Evan paused and took a deep breath. “I’m also sorry for writing that stuff about Zoe.”

“Don’t be. I over reacted. You can like her.” Connor said.

“Oh, well, um, I don’t anymore, I, uh, I think she likes A- Alana anyway…” Evan muttered.

“Wha- oh… uh, well then.” Connor looked slightly taken aback. There was a moment of silence. “Also, what I said about pretending we had friends. But like, not pretend… for real, if you wanted.”

Evan couldn’t find anything to say. His mind was racing. Connor Murphy didn’t hate him. Connor Murphy wanted to be friends.

“If-if you don’t want to be friends, I-I understand.” Connor’s face fell. “I mean, why would you want to be friends with Connor Murphy, who gets high behind the school, who will never do anything with his life,” His voice was slowly filling with anger. “Who fights with his family, who threw a fucking printer in second grade, who-”

“Connor!” Evan yelled. Connor stepped slightly back, started by Evan’s sudden raise in voice, which was so unlike him. Evan shrank back.

“Fuck, Evan, I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” Connor said. “God, you’re probably terrified of me now. I can’t just do one thing right, can I?”

“Connor, I’m not scared of you.” Evan said, and he wasn’t. “I would actually really like that, to-to be friends. I would like that.”

Connor stared at him for a moment before mumbling, “You would?”

“Um, y-yes?” Evan said. The five minute warning bell rang. “I, uh, need to get to class. We’ll, um, talk later?” He started backing out of the library.

“Wait!” Connor said. Evan paused. “Do you want to hang out or something after school?”

“Oh, um… sh-sure.” Evan said.

“Cool. I’ll pick you up?” Connor asked.

“O-okay.” Evan replied.

There was a moment of awkward silence, broken by Connor. “Well, you should probably get to class then.”

“Oh, uh, right.” Evan said, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “I-I’ll see you later then?”

“Yup.” Connor replied.

“Okay, well, um, bye… I guess…” Evan began walking out the door.

“See you later.” Connor responded.

……

When Evan stepped out of the school that afternoon, he half expected Connor not to be there, to have decided to that he didn’t want to hang out with a loser like Evan after all and go back on their previous plans before it was too late. Evan was pleasantly surprised to find Connor leaving up against an old, beat up looking car, and had not, in fact, abandoned him.

“Hey.” Connor said as Evan approached.

“Hi,” Evan said quietly.

“You ready?” Connor pulled out his keys and opened the driver’s side.

“Yeah,” Evan said, grabbing the passenger side door. “What exactly did you want to do?”

“I thought we could go get coffee or something.” He said.

“Okay,” Evan said, sitting and setting his backpack on his lap.

Connor turned on the car. “You can throw that in the back, if you want.”

“Oh, okay.” He turned around the best he could and pushed his bag into the back seat.

“So,” Connor said. “When do you get your cast off?” He gestured to Evan’s arm, which was still in a cast, and had CONNOR written in black sharpie on it.

“Um, next week, a-actually.” Evan said.

“Huh, cool,” Connor said. Most of the car ride was quiet. They pulled up to a small coffee shop not too far from the school. Connor turned off the car, got out, and began to walk to the entrance. Evan scrambled to catch up.

Connor stopped a few steps from the front counter, looking at the menu. “What do you want?” He asked.

Evan stared at the menu. “I- uh, I- I’ll just have a small hot chocolate.”

“Alright. I’ll order, you go find a place to sit.” Relief flooded through him. He couldn’t even order pizza online, he definitely couldn’t order here.

“Okay,” Evan found a small table near the window where there weren’t people at any of the tables adjacent. He sat down and fiddled with his shirt while he waited for Connor to get their drinks. He came over a minute later holding Evan’s hot chocolate and a black coffee.

“So,” he said, handing Evan his cup and sitting down. “What kind of things do you like?”

_ What did he, Evan Hansen like? _ “Well, um, I, uh… I-I like trees?”

“Trees?” Connor asked.

“Well, I mean, um, I like plants and nature in gen-general, um, but- but, I, uh, I really like… um, tr-trees are my favorite.” Evan stuttered.

“What about trees do you like?”

_ What about trees? _ “Um… well, they’re… they look nice, and, um, I like climbing them. That-that’s how I, um, b-broke my arm… They’re also not normally where there’s a lot of people, so it’s quiet, and I don’t have to worry about, um, accidentally saying the wrong thing, or-or doing anything wrong.”

Connor seemed to ponder this. “I can see why that would be nice. Not having to worry about hurting anyone without meaning to.”

“Exactly,” Evan said. He looked down at his hot chocolate, contemplating whether to take a sip or not. It felt like it was pretty hot. “Um… what, err… what do you like?”

Connor took a drink from his coffee. “I dunno. There’s not much that I’m really good at… I guess I like drawing.”

“Th-that’s really cool.” Evan said.

“Not really…” Connor said. “Larry says it’s ‘not manly’ or whatever, but I could care less about what he thinks. Plus it annoys him, so that’s always a bonus.”

“Who’s Larry?” Evan asked.

“He’s my dad,” Connor said. “Though ‘dad’ is a loose term. It’s not like he’s ever done anything a good parent is supposed to do. I’m just his screw-up son who’s just looking for attention, after all.” He let out a small huff and set down his coffee.

“Well, um, i-if it makes you feel better, um, my dad, uh, he, uh, my dad l-left me and my mom when I was seven for a cocktail waitress, so-so I guess neither of us have great dads…” Evan trailed off. His hot chocolate was finally cool enough to drink without scalding his taste buds off.

“Heh… yeah.” Connor stared down at his hands. “This is… really cliche, but what’s your favorite color?”

“Um, blue?” Evan said. “Why, what’s yours?”

“I like black… but dark purple is nice too, if I had to choose.” Connor replied. He finished his coffee and got up to throw the cup away. “Are you done with your drink?” He asked.

“Um, yeah.” Evan said. He had only finished half of it, but he decided he didn’t want the rest. Connor took his cup and returned a few seconds later. 

“Are you ready to go?” Connor asked.

“Uh, sh-sure, if you are.” Evan said. He got up and followed Connor out to his car. “So, um… err, uh, th-thank you for- I, um… I had… th-this was fun, and, uh… I-I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

Connor blinked at him, and for a split second Evan worried that he had said something wrong, but then Connor smiled and said, “Yeah, me too.”

……

The next day, Evan was surprised to find Connor by his locker after school. “H-hi.” He said.

“Hey,” Connor replied. “I was wondering if you were free this afternoon?”

“Um, yeah.” Evan said. “What did you want to do?”

“You’ll see,” he said. “We’ll probably be there for the rest of the day though. Is that fine?”

“Um, yeah, my mom won’t be home till late, so, uh, yeah, that’s fine.” Evan said putting away his textbooks.

“Cool. Let’s go.” Connor said.

They took a 40-ish minute drive to an ice cream parlor called A La Mode. Evan got plain vanilla, and Connor got rocky road. After they eat their ice cream, they drove for about 10 more minutes. Connor turned down an old dirt road, and into an overgrown gravel parking lot.

“What’s this?” Evan asked.

“It’s the old orchard.” Connor said, turning off the car. “My family used to come down here all the time, but it’s been closed for years. I still come up here sometimes though, to escape. You said you liked trees, and I immediately thought of this place.”

“I-if it’s closed, should we really be here?” Evan said cautiously, closing the passenger door. “I mean, wh-what if we get caught.”

“It’s okay,” Connor reassured, grabbing a worn quilt from the trunk. “I’ve been here plenty of times. Nobody comes here anymore. Come on.” They walked through rose of apple trees till they came to the edge of clearing where the apple trees ended. Connor spread out the blanket, then sat down on it, putting the spot next to him to signal Evan to sit too.

“This place is really cool.” Evan said.

“I thought you would like it.” Connor said.  “When I used to come here with my family, before I started fighting with Zoe all the time, we would come play with this little toy plane we had… that is until we accidentally crashed it into the creek over there.” He pointed into the evergreens surrounding the clearing. They sat in silence for a few seconds, then Connor sighed. “I sometimes wish she and I could be like we used to be, but I kind of fucked that up big time, and we’re trying to get better, but a few conversations that don’t end in me storming off or screaming at her isn’t going to fix the gap between us.”

Connor dragged his hands down his face. “I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to hear any of this. I just- you’re really easy to talk to.”

“No, I don’t mind.” Evan said. “Especially if it helps you.”

Connor gave a small smile. “Thanks.” He stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets, staring off into the sky. It was only about 5:30, but the sun was already setting.

_ November is a weird time of year. _ Evan thought. They stared at the setting sun for a minute before Connor looked down at Evan, grinned, then dashed off. “What are you doing?!” Evan shouted in surprise.

“Follow me!” Connor yelled. Evan scrambled up and chased after him. They raced across the clearing, cool air blowing in their faces. Connor stopped at the base of a tall cedar with branches low enough to reach. “Can you still climb with your cast?”

“Um, y-yeah.” Evan said.

“Here, you go first.” Connor said. “I’ll be right behind you if you fall again.”

_ Or let go. _ But no, Evan wasn’t going to let go. He nodded. He didn’t want to think about that right now. “Okay,” he grabbed the first branch and started climbing, followed by Connor. They were about 30 or 40 feet up when Connor said they could stop. He climbed up and sat next to Evan.

“Woah,” Evan breathed. They looked over the trees at the sunset. It shone on their faces so it looked like they were glowing, and it made Connor’s dark copper hair light up like fire. “It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah,” Connor agreed. They sat like that for nearly half an hour till the sun was almost completely below the horizon, then climbed down and walked back to the blanket, where they watched as stars slowly started to appear in the sky. Connor pointed out different constellations, and Evan stared at the bats flitting around overhead.

It was nearly 10 when they left, so Evan didn’t get home until 11. His mom wasn’t home yet, she probably wouldn’t be home till after midnight. She had left money on the table, in case he wanted to order pizza, but he wasn’t hungry. Or, he was, but he didn’t want to have to talk to anyone. He wasn’t even sure pizza places delivered this late.

Evan decided to look around and see if they had anything else. He found a box of macaroni in a cupboard. He pulled out his phone while he waited for the water to boil.

[3:52] From Jared:

Where are you Evan??

[3:55] From Jared:

I thought you were coming over to work on our history project today.

_ Shit.  _ He had forgotten Jared wanted to work on that today.

[11:13] To Jared:

I’m sorry Jared, I completely forgot. It’s just that Connor asked me if I wanted to hang out and I said yes and I just forgot you wanted to do that today I’m sorry.

Evan sighed. Jared might be asleep, but he probably wasn’t. Knowing Jared, he was most likely playing a game on his computer or something.

[11:15] From Jared:

Yeah, I know. I saw you walking out with him.

[11:15] To Jared:

We can reschedule if you want.

[11:17] From Jared:

Whatever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof Jared is annoyed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared overhears Connor asking Evan if he knows what a Squip is and confronts him about it. He's also not the best at apologizing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry it's taken me a month to get this up here, I've had to rewrite it three times because I physically cannot write angst, the first two endings were fluffy(er), and was kind of procrastinating typing it up. I write all the chapters on paper first then type them up and put them on here, and I hate typing. But I finally got to it, so here we are. Before we start, I just wanted to list some of my headcanons I have for this story.  
> Connor is actually really empathetic, he just doesn't normally act on it.  
> Evan doesn't usually get angry (or is really good at hiding it), but when it does show, his anxiety is kind of pushed down, almost like it's nonexistent.  
> Michael listens to Welcome to Night Vale.  
> Jared likes 70's, 80's, and 90's music. He's also a huge fan of Heathers. I feel like Connor really likes The Killers, which, if you haven't heard any of their music, it's great.  
> I also was wondering your guys' opinions on a couple of things.  
> Firstly, I'm wondering how I should do Rich's lisp. Should I actually write out his lisp or should I just write the s and let you guys read it as a lisp?  
> Secondly, I want to give Jared a boyfriend, and I'm wondering if I should just create an oc. I also read this really good fic by Piper_Emerald called Actually (you should check it out), and in that one Jared got together with Dustin Kropp, which, since he's really only mentioned in BMC like, once, and not an actual character (if you know what I mean), would basically be an oc, but whatever.  
> So yeah, I'd love to hear your opinions on those. I don't think there's any triggers in this chapter, but please tell me if I'm wrong! Sorry this has been long.  
> Now to the Insanely Pissed, Insanely Insecure Jared Kleinman.

Jared walked through the school, glaring at the ground. Evan had pretty much ignored him for the past two weeks. All Evan wanted to do was hang out with Connor Fucking Murphy.  _ Speak of the devil… _

There they were, standing next to Evan’s locker, smiling and laughing like they had been friends for years, when in reality they had only started hanging out since last Monday. Who had known Evan since he was 2 years old? Jared! Who had been there for Evan when his dad left? Jared! Who knew how to calm Evan down from a panic attack?! Jared! But obviously none of that mattered. He rolled his eyes and stomped past.

“...anything about Squips?” Jared froze.  _ Squip. _ He looked at Connor out of the corner of his eye.  _ What the hell was Murphy doing asking Evan about Squips?! _

“No? What is it?” Evan asked. Connor stared at Jared and raised his eyebrow.

“Just a second, Ev,” Connor said. He started walking down the hall. Jared followed him. Connor went into the bathroom. Jared found him leaning against the wall, arms crossed. “What do you want, Kleinman?”

“Why the hell were you asking Evan about Squips?” Jared yelled. “How do you know about them- y- you don’t have one, do you?”

“No. Do you?” Connor said calmly.

“What- Hell no!” Jared shouted. “If you don’t have one, why were you asking Evan about them? Are you trying to get one, because here’s my advice, Murphy; don’t.”

“I’m looking for information on them to help my friend out.” Connor glared.

Jared scoffed. “Friend?”

“Yes, Kleinman,” Connor growled through gritted teeth. “Friend. Now, you seen to know what they are. What exactly do you know about them?”

“I know that it’s a pill-sized supercomputer that helps you be ‘cool’ or whatever. My brother took one his senior year of high school. He went from straight D’s to Harvard. Guess where he is now! He’s in a mental hospital! He went crazy trying to get the damn thing out!” Jared’s voice was gradually growing louder, filling with pain.

Connor stared at him. “Just a second.” He said after a beat. He pulled out his phone and started typing furiously.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jared said.

Connor shoved his phone back in his pocket. “Come on.” He said, rushing out of the bathroom.

“What?” Jared ran after him. Connor brought them to the lunchroom. He stopped for a moment, looking around, then marched over to the corner, where a boy in a red hoodie was standing.

“Michael, I found someone who has information on Squips.” Connor said.

The boy in the hoodie stared at Connor. “What?”

“You remember you said one of your online friends had a brother who went crazy trying to get his Squip out? Well I may have found him.” Jared stared from Connor to the kid in the hoodie. His mind flashed back to a conversation he’d had online weeks ago.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Jared said. “Wait. Are you ‘heyvsaucemichaelhere’?” He looked at the boy, who was staring back at him.

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m Michael. Are you ‘insanelycoolkleinman’?”

“The name’s  Jared.” He paused. “So your friend’s got a Squip?”

Michael looked down. “Any clue how to get rid of it?”

Jared shook his head. “I’m sorry, I would’ve told you if I did.”

“I… guess I’m not needed here anymore?” Connor said. He started to walk off.

“Just a sec.” Michael said. Connor stopped and turned around. “Thank you. For helping me.”

“No problem.” Connor replied after a few seconds.

“Hey Murphy,” Jared said. Connor raised an eyebrow. “ Can you tell Evan I want to see him after school?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “ Sure, whatever Kleinman.” He disappeared into the hall.

“So,” Jared said. “What exactly do you know about Squips?”

“They’re pills that someone takes to be cool. There’s also nothing about them on the internet.” Michael sighed. “My best friend Jeremy took one to get this girl Christine to notice him. He’s been ignoring me for weeks.”

“Optic nerve blocking…” They said simultaneously.

Jared nodded. “How did he find out about them?”

“This guy Rich told him about them. Appare-” Jared cut him off.

“Rich? The guy who set the fire during the Halloween party?”

Michael nodded. “Yes, that Rich. Apparently he’s had one since freshman year or something.”

Jared paused for a moment. “Wait, does anyone have any idea about why he set the fire? And he’s had a Squip since freshman year, right? So what if he set the fire trying to get his Squip out?”

Michael stared at him. “Of coarse. Do you think we should ask him about it?”

“No, his Squip probably wouldn’t let him even if he wanted to.” Jared said. “We could ask people if they noticed him acting weird that night. We could ask the guy who threw the party. Jake Dillinger, right?”

“No,” Michael said. “He just got out of the hospital. He probably won’t want to talk about it. We could ask Jenna Rollan. She was the one who made Rich setting the fire such a big deal.”

Jared shrugged. “I guess that’s the best plan we’ve got.”

“Okay. Do you want to meet up after school?” Michael asked.

“I can’t. I’m going to be with my friend.” He stumbled over the last word.

“Okay… well, um… here,” Michael handed him his phone “Give me your number. I’m going to ask Jenna about Rich after school. I’ll send you a text if I find anything. It’s easier than trying to contact you through the internet.”

Jared punched in his number and handed his phone back. “So you’re friends with Murphy, huh?”

“We met at Jake’s party. He agreed to help me look for information on the Squip.” Michael said.

“Ah.” He paused for a moment. “Well, I need to get to class. I’ll see you later,”

“Yeah,” Michael said. “See ya,”

…… 

Jared spotted Evan waiting by his locker after school.  _ So Connor actually listened to me… _ Jared opened his locker and started shoving his stuff in, ignoring Evan.

“Um… C-Connor said you wanted to talk to me?” Evan stuttered.

“Yeah,” Jared muttered. “I hope you weren’t planning on doing anything this afternoon, ‘cause we’re going to my house.” This wasn’t a request.

“Um, oh… o-okay.” Evan said, clearly confused.

Jared walked out to his car, not checking to see if Evan was following and waited in the front seat until Evan got in. They drove to the Kleinman’s house in uncomfortable silence, Jared glowering at the road ahead, blasting music so that even if Evan tried to start a conversation, his voice be drowned out. When they pulled into his driveway, Jared got out immediately, stomped through the front door, not bothering to close it, neither of his parents were home right now anyway, and up the stairs to his bedroom, where he sat on his bed, glaring intensely at the wall.

He heard the door close a few minutes later, followed by footsteps on the stairs. Evan peeked his head through the bedroom door. “Can I come in?” Jared shrugged. Evan sat down awkwardly on the office chair next to Jared’s desk. “Why are you mad at me?” He eventually asked.

“Take a wild guess.” Jared said flatly.

“Are you mad that I forgot we were going to work on our project last Tuesday?”

“That’s only a fraction of it, Evan.”

“Are you mad about Connor?”

“Closer,”

“What’s wrong with me hanging out with Connor?” Evan asked. “I understand you two don’t get along, but that’s no reason for you to go and act like a jerk.”

“God, you don’t get it, do you Evan? I’m pissed that you’ve been ignoring me for the last two weeks! I thought we were friends! But obviously none of that matters, because Connor Murphy, the same Connor Murphy who pushed you in the hall just two months ago, can just come along and replace me, and you completely block me out!” Jared shouted.

“You said we were just family friends!” Evan yelled back. “You said you only hung out with me so that your mom would pay for your car insurance!”

“Well I was lying! You’re my only friend Evan, no matter how much I tell you and myself otherwise!”

“Then why are you always making jokes at my expense, huh? Why am I always the subject of them?”

“I didn’t think you minded! You always just laughed. You always seemed to think they were funny!” Jared knew this was a lie, but he had always been good at lying, not letting people see his emotions.

“No, Jared. I didn’t think they were funny! They hurt! Also, if you wanted to be my friend, why didn’t you ever want to be around me? A-and even when you did hang out with me, it was always after school, and normally for homework or a project or something!” Evan never got angry, so it was slightly disorienting for Jared to hear him yell at him.  _ Or maybe he gets mad all the time, and you’re just too blind to notice. _ Said a small voice in the back of Jared’s head.

“I couldn’t hang out with you at school because…” Jared paused.  _ Because your self worth is completely dependant on how others see you? Because you’d rather be seen as an asshole than vulnerable? Because that’s what you are, an annoying asshole who pushes the one friend he has away so he doesn’t accidentally hurt him in a selfish attempt to make himself feel better about himself? _

“Because what?” Evan demanded. “Because you don’t want to be seen with the anxious stuttering loser? Is that is?” Holy shit, Evan was sounding more like Conner every second. It was almost scary.

“No! And you’re not the only one dealing with problems, Evan! Maybe most of us don’t have it as bad as you, but other people are dealing with their own shit too!”

Evan let out a small noise, almost like a scoff. “The amazingly confident Jared Kleinman, dealing with his own problems?” Evan didn’t even sound a little bit like himself anymore.

“Yes!” Jared yelled. “Every day for me is a mental way to tell myself that I’m worth something! That I matter! Not everyone can have the person who signed his cast then proceeded to yell at him come back for a second chance and immediately become best friends! I guess not everyone deserves that! You get a boyfriend and I get left behind!”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Evan said.

“Really, because it sure seems like it!” Jared laughed bitterly. “He pushed you in the hall, yelled at you, and stole your letter barely two months ago, and then- then you act like you’re best friends overnight?”

“We’re just friends! Besides, he’s done more than you’ve ever done!” Evan shouted.

“I tried! Do you even remember how many times I’ve asked you if you want to go see a movie or go to the arcade or something and you declined? Eventually I just stopped asking ‘cause I knew you would say no!” Jared’s vision was blurring. _ You’re so pathetic. You’re tearing up as soon as someone calls you out on your shit. He has every right to be mad. He’s never going to want to talk to you again. You don’t deserve friends. Who would even want to be friends with you? You’re a mess. You’re just a pathetic, insecure, lying asshole. He’s better off without you. He’ll be so much happier without you. _

“But clearly you don’t mind going places with Connor!”  _ You’re so pathetic. You’re tearing up as soon as someone calls you out on your shit. He has every right to be mad. He’s never going to want to talk to you again. You don’t deserve friends. Who would even want to be friends with you?You’re a mess. You’re just a pathetic, insecure, lying asshole. He’s better off without you. He’ll be so much happier without you. _

“But you clearly don’t mind going places with Connor! Hell, you even skipped with him the other day! You’re mad I didn’t try hard enough to be your friend? Well I’m mad you wouldn’t let me try!” Evan opened his mouth to speak, but Jared cut him off before he could. “But you know what Evan? If you’re happy, good for you! You obviously don’t need me or even want to be around me, so go ahead, cut me loose I won’t mind!”

Evan stared at him. “Just go! You would clearly rather be hanging out with Murphy right now, so what are you waiting for? Just leave already!” Jared yelled.

“Fine!” Evan snapped. “I’ll go!” He stormed out of Jared’s room. The front door slammed a few seconds later. Jared wasn’t able to hold back the tears any longer. He let out a sob, filled with anger and frustration but most of all regret.  _ Nice going, you just lost your only real friend. You’re just a stupid loser with no friends. You can’t fix anything. You just broke your friendship into a million tiny pieces. You ruined it. You can’t fix it, you broke it it’s broken it’s all your fault it’s broken it’s broken you’re broken you-  _ Shut up, shut up! He wished he could just turn his thoughts off.

Jared took off his glasses and rubbed his face, then shoved them back on. He shut his door, turned whatever was on the radio on, which turned out to be some 80’s channel, turned it up loud, then collapsed onto his bed, sobbing into his pillow and attempting to drown out the world and himself.

…… 

He was in his basement, playing a game, Mario Kart or something. Next to him was his brother, Jason. “So what’s it called again?” Jared asked.

“A Squip.” Jason said. “Like I said, this guy at school told me about it.”

“And it… helps you get your grades up?”

“Well, technically it would help me be cool, but I assume it would help with grades as well.”

“Huh. So you’re actually thinking about getting one?”

“Well, yeah. I would love to not be a loser anymore, plus mom said if I don’t get my grades up she’s not paying for my car insurance. I’d really rather not fail all my classes.”

“You know,” Jared grumbled. “You could actually try to put effort into your classes.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “This way’s quicker and easier.”

“Whatever.” Jared said. “How much does it cost?”

“400 dollars.”

“What?! You don’t- where are you planning to get the money for that?”

“I’ve got some saved up.” Jason said casually.

“That’s for college. Mom and dad would kill you if they found out you took money out of your college funds for- for drugs!

“It’s not a drug.” Jason said. “Besides, I’m not going to college if I don’t get my grades up.”

Jared sighed. “Look, just- if this ends up being some sort of scam, I warned you, and if you get in trouble, I had no part in this, I knew nothing about it, alright?”

“Alright,” Jason laughed.

“When are you going to get it?”

“Tomorrow afternoon, I think. I’ll get it at the mall, there’s a guy at payless who’s selling them, but I think I’ll come back here to take it. I’d rather not be in a mall if there’s any weird side effects.”

“So you are worried it’s a drug.”

“No, I just-” Jason said. “I want to be around someone who knows what’s going on if something goes wrong, okay?”

“Fine, whatever helps you sleep at night, dude.” Jared was about to win the race, when a fucking blue shell came up from behind and hit him. “God damnit!”

“Loser,” Jason laughed.

“Fuck you! Now I finished in 3rd!”

“All’s fair when it comes to Mario Kart.”

“Yeah, whatever. I want a rematch.”

“Sure, but I hope you’re ready to be crushed again.”

“If only your test scores were as big as your ego.”

“That was a low blow, dude.”

“Not as low as your grades.” Jared snickered.

“Where the hell do you come up with these?”

“My brain, something you apparently lack.”

Jason shoved him. “Shut up.”

“Fine, but only because I need to show you how this game is really played.”

…… 

They were standing in the basement, again. Jason held a small, grey pill in his left hand, and a bottle of Mountain Dew in his right.

“Why’d you get Mountain Dew, you could just use water.” Jared said.

“Mountain Dew activates it.” Jason said. He let out a breath. “You ready?”

“Why are you asking me? You’re the one who takes it.” Jared said.

“Right. Well, uh… here goes nothing…” Jason unscrewed the bottle’s cap. He put the pill in his mouth, brought the soda up to the lips, and threw back his head, swallowing it.

“So,” Jared said after a minute. “Do you feel anything?”

Jason stared a moment before slowly shaking his head.

“Seriously?!” Jared shouted.

“”Maybe it takes a moment.” Jason said defeatedly.

“Really? I think you’ve been ripped off, dude.” Jared said. “Good luck explaining the missing money to mom and dad.”

Jason huffed. “Can you just shut up?”

“Whatever,” Jared said. “I’m going to go get something to eat. I think we might have some leftover pizza in the fridge.” Jared climbed up the stairs. He went over to the fridge. They did, in fact, have half a box of cold pizza. He also found some popcorn in a cupboard below the counter. Neither of his parents would be home till later that night, and he didn’t feel like cooking anything. Cold pizza and popcorn was a fine dinner for a Friday night. Jared leaned against the counter, waiting for his popcorn to be done, when he heard a screeching coming from downstairs.  _ What the fuck? _ He ran down the stairs two at a time. Jason was kneeling on the ground, fingers dug into his hair shouting.

“Jason! Jason? What the hell?” Jared cautiously stepped forward.

“Gah! What the-” Jason squeezed his eyes shut, yelling. After a few seconds, the yelling stopped, and was replaced with heavy breathing.

“Jason, what the hell? Are you okay?” Jared said.

“I- I’m fine, um, I’m- wait, wha- Gah!” Jason started screaming again, louder than before. The neighbors were going to hear and come over to see what was going on. Maybe it would be good if they came over, Jared had no clue what was happening.

The second time the screeching stopped, Jason was staring into seemingly nothing. “What the fuck…” He muttered.

“Jason, what the hell just happened?” Jason didn’t answer.

“That’s just my brother, he- wha- oh.” Jason said.

“Jason, what the fuck is going on?” Jared stared at Jason, who was talking to nothing.

“I- err, uh, Jared, I’m going to be upstairs in my room.”

“Woah, woah, woah, wait. What the hell is happening? What was th- wait… did- is your- uh, did your Squip turn on?”

Jason paused. “Yeah,” He said. “Yeah it turned on.”

“Holy shit!” Jared laughed. “Holy fucking shit, it actually worked, this is awesome! This- you’re gonna be so cool now. How does it work?”

“Well, um…” He looked at the wall. “I can see it, right there,” He pointed to where he was staring. “And, uh, it talks to me, tells me what to do, I think…”

“You can see it? What does it look like?”

Jason paused, face growing slightly red. “What,” Jared said. “Come on, just describe it to me.” Jason muttered something under his breath. “What?” Jared said.

“It looks like Steve Harrington from Stranger Things.” Jared burst out laughing.

“I knew it! You totally have a gay crush. On a fictional character!”

“What- No! Steve’s just a cool character!” Jason said defensively. Jared grinned at him. Jason rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’ll be in my room.”

“Wait, Jason, I-” Jason had already disappeared. Jared sighed. “I just wanted to talk to you.” He mumbled. He went upstairs to get his popcorn and pizza. When he came back down to the couch, he kind of just stared at the TV. He had wanted to watch the new IT with Jason, but that didn’t seem like it was going to happen, not tonight. Jared settled on Guardians of the Galaxy, because, well, he felt like it, and Chris Pratt. He ended up passed out on the couch at around 1:30 after he decided to binge Marvel movies.

…… 

Jared groaned. “He’s been ignoring me for weeks!”

“Well, um…” Evan said. “Do you have any clue why?”

_ Yes. _ “No,” Jared said. He wouldn’t drag Evan into this.

They were playing games together at Jared’s house. Jason was gone doing who knows what, and both his parents were working. “He’s trying to be ‘cool’ or whatever, but why does that mean he has to block me out?”

The last time Jared had tried to talk to Jason about what was going on, Jason just glared at him for a moment before saying ‘Optic nerve blocking on.’ and walking away. After that it was like he didn’t even see him apart from when their family was together.

“Well, uh, maybe h-” Evan started.

“If you’re going to say maybe I’m overreacting, Evan, I swear-” Jared cut him off.

“No, I was going to say maybe he’s ‘going through a phase’ or, uh whatever the grown-ups call it.”

Jared stared at him for a moment before laughing. “Y’know Evan, sometimes you can be really lame.” Evan ducked his head. “But like, the coolest kind of lame.” Jared added quickly. Evan smiled a little.

“Have your parents noticed anything?”

“I’m certain they have, but they haven’t brought it up yet, and I don’t think they will. Jason’s gone from failing all his classes to straight A’s, and now he has a girlfriend, which is… weird, because I was pretty sure he was gay. I dunno, he never actually came out as gay, I knew he liked guys, but who knows, maybe he’s bi or pan or something. Anyways, I don’t think my parents’ll confront him about it.”

“Oh.” Evan said. “Maybe you can confront him about it… O-or not, it was a stupid idea, I just-”

I’ve already tried. He just ignores me.” Jared sighed. “But, I guess another try couldn’t hurt anyone… Alright. I’ll try again later this week.” Evan seemed genuinely surprised Jared took his advice. Jared chuckled. “Alright, enough about my brother, let’s just play.”

…… 

Jason was actually home after school, for once, so Jared took his chance to talk to him. “Hey Jason,” He said, leaning against Jason’s bedroom door frame. Jason just kept typing on his computer. “Jason,” Jared said louder. “Jason.” No response. Jared groaned. He went over and not-so-gently poked him on the shoulder. “Jason!”

Jason whipped around and gave him a cold glare. “What.”

“Wow, you’re actually acknowledging my presence. How kind of you.” Jared said sarcastically.

“Get to the point or get out.” Jason said.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“I can see that, dumbass,” Jason rolled his eyes. “What do you want?”

“Wow, rude.” Jared said. “I wanted to know why you suddenly just stopped talking to me for weeks. Like, seriously, what the fuck? You’ve barely had 3 decent conversations with me since you got your Squip. You never play any games with me anymore. Why? I’m your brother, for fuck’s sake!”

Jason raised an eyebrow. “Why can’t I hang out with you anymore?” He asked. “I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re just a loser, Jared.You’re an annoying, stupid, pathetic loser with just one friend. I’m cool now, and you drag me down. So there, there’s your goddamn explanation. Can you get out now?”

Those words shouldn’t’ve hurt the way they did. Jared stomped out, down the hall, and to his room, where he sat on his bed, back against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest. _ Loser. Loser. Annoying, stupid, pathetic loser. You only have one friend. You can’t even get your own brother to talk to you. Loser, loser, loser. _

Jared took in a deep, shaky breath. He missed his brother. He missed being with him, watching movies with him, laughing with him. But Jason didn’t want to be around a loser like Jared. Maybe if Jared was cooler, he would. Maybe if Jared had more friends, if he were more popular, he would, but Jared just had Evan. Jared decided he would get more people to notice him, and maybe then, Jason would hang out with him again.

…… 

Jared found  his opportunity the next day at school. He was talking to Evan in the hall when a certain lanky, dark haired teen passed them. Jared was almost certain he had been in the same class as Connor Murphy through most of elementary school, and had had multiple classes with him throughout middle school. Despite this fact, he barely knew anything about him apart from he apparently threw a printer at a teacher in second grade, which, even that was questionable, because how the fuck does a second grader  _ throw _ a printer? Maybe push it off a table but throw? He thought maybe Connor was his lab partner in science this year. Yeah, he was pretty sure he was.

Without really thinking, Jared yelled, “Hey Hot Topic! Nice nails! It really goes well with the rest of the outfit. Are black hoodies the only thing in your closet or have you got some rainbows in there as well?” He was such a hypocrite. He was teasing Connor about something he wasn’t even sure was true, and he was a closeted gay teen himself.

However, the snicker that came from the group of kids down the hall dimmed his guilt. It made him feel more confident. Evan looked awkwardly down at his feet. Connor froze, looking back at him with an unreadable expression. Jared felt slightly sorry, but again, other people had thought his comment was funny. He could apologize later in science.

After a moment, Connor kept walking. Evan was picking at a string coming off the bottom of his shirt, clearly uncomfortable. “Hey, Ev,” Jared said. “It was just a joke.”

“Oh, uh, y-yeah, I know.” Evan replied quietly.

Shit. He probably hurt Evan. He thought Evan was straight, but how could he know. He probably offended him. Maybe if he distanced himself from Evan a bit he would be less likely to hurt him again.

…… 

Jason was off to college now. He had, by some miracle, gotten himself- no, scratch that, a super computer in his brain had gotten him into Harvard.

As much as he’d tried, Jared had been unable to be ‘cool enough’ for Jason. Jason just didn’t talk to him anymore. But Jared didn’t care. If anything, his attempt to get Jason to pay attention to him again had taught him not to care anymore. He could cover up any feelings with arrogance and rude humor, that way nobody could hurt his feelings therefore nobody could hurt him. He was only vulnerable to himself. He was the only one who would know how much pain was inside. The only one who could hurt him was him.

He had broken his relationship with Evan, but the only one who knew how much pain that caused him was him. He was fine. He wouldn’t feel a thing.

…… 

Jared opened his eyes. He sat up, taking off his glasses and rubbing his face. It was hard to believe it had been three years since his brother had gotten a Squip. It had been almost two years since he’d got put in a mental hospital. He hated it when his brain decided to replay these memories through his dreams. He was tortured by it during the day by making him feel worthless and at night by making him relive his worst memories.

He got up to turn off the radio. Jared checked his phone. Apparently Michael had made a group chat with him and one other person. Probably Connor, he realized. Connor knew about the Squips too. Great. Well, he might as well check to see if Michael had learned anything from Jenna Rolan.

[7:14] From Jared:

Hey Michael! Did you find anything about Rich?

[7:15] From Michael:

Yeah, but not much

[7:15] From Michael:

Apparently before he set the fire, he was running around asking people if they had any mtn dew red.

[7:15] From Jared:

Mtn dew red?? Wtf is that??

[7:16] From Michael:

It was a version of mtn dew that was discontinued in the 90’s

[7:16] From Unknown Number:

KLEINMAN WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

Yep. Definitely Connor. He went to his contacts to change it to Connor. He debated putting Hot Topic, then remembered that day in the hall and decided against it.

[7:18] From Jared:

What the hell are you talking about

[7:18] From Connor:

YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT

[7:18] From Jared:

No, I legitimately don’t.

[7:19] From Connor:

Why the fuck did I have to pick Evan up from your house then end up with him crying to me for 30 minutes and nearly have a panic attack?

_ Evan cried to Connor about our argument? _

[7:20] From Jared:

If he cried to you then you should know what happened

[7:21] From Connor:

I could barely get one fucking word out of him. What the hell did you do?

[7:22] From Jared:

Why do you automatically assume it’s my fault?

[7:23] From Connor:

I have a hard time believing Evan did something, so unless there was someone else there and you were just too much of an asshole to give him a ride home, then yeah, I’m going to assume you did something.

[7:23] From Michael:

I’m just gonna go get a drink of water or something…

[7:24] From Jared:

Did it ever occur to you that you and Evan aren’t the only ones dealing with mental problems?

[7:24] Form Connor:

That’s not an excuse to be an asshole.

[7:25] From Jared:

I don’t have the healthiest coping mechanism, alright? Also, you’re one to talk.

[7:25] From Connor:

That still doesn’t answer my question

[7:25] From Jared:

What question

[7:26] From Connor:

What the fuck did you do to make Evan’s anxiety flare up like that?

[7:26] From Jared:

For the last time, it’s not my fault!

[7:26] From Connor:

Yeah sure

[7:26] From Jared:

Whatever. I don’t need you to believe me. I’m not going to talk about this anymore.

[7:27] From Jared:

Hey Michael, can we keep talking about what you found out later?

[7:29] From Michael:

Sure… 

Jared set his phone down and rubbed his face once more. He took a deep breath and stood up, walking downstairs to the kitchen where his mom was sitting at the table, reading a book. She looked up when he walked in. “Hey honey,” she said. “You were asleep when I got home, and I didn’t want to wake you up. There’s some soup on the stove.” Jared nodded, getting a bowl and dishing up some soup. “Hey, is everything alright?”

He shrugged. “What happened?” She asked.

He sighed. “Evan and I got into an argument.”

“Oh, about what?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.” He said.

“Why not?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” He appreciated that his mom cared, but when he said he didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to talk.

“Jared, you can tell me things. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” They sat in silence the rest of the time Jared was eating. When he was done, he got up, put his dishes in the sink, and went back over to the stairs.

“I’ll be in my room!” He called behind him, heading up. When he got back to his room, he checked his phone. There was a text from Michael, not in the group chat.

[7:35] From Michael:

Hey Jared, are you okay?

Jared sighed before texting him back.

[7:53] From Jared:

Yeah, I’m fine. I just got in an argument with my friend earlier.

[7:53] From Jared:

I’m sorry you had to see that. As you can probably see, Murphy and I don’t get along great.

[7:54] From Michael:

Oh no, it’s fine. I just wanted to check you were good.

[7:54] From Jared:

Thanks

[7:54] From Michael:

No problem

[7:55] From Michael:

Do you want to talk about it?

[7:55] From Jared:

Not particularly. Thanks for the offer though.

[7:55] From Michael:

Yup

[7:56] From Jared:

Well goodnight then, I guess

[7:56] From Michael:

Night

Jared decided he might as well just go and mindlessly watch YouTube till he fell asleep. It would at least distract his thoughts for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going back through this chapter and typing it up physically hurt me because I just want Jared to be happy. I want all of them to be happy. I would love to hear your guys' opinions, especially on Rich's lisp and Jared's boyfriend. Every comment and kudos just motivates me more and adds a little light to my day! Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long to get out as this one did. I've already started writing it, and I actually have a good idea of what exactly is going to happen in it. Also, holy shit this chapter is 5512 words long! That's longer than all my other chapters combined! Hopefully the next chapters will be around this length as well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Jared go get Mountain Dew Red, then the play and the hospital scene. Also, Heidi makes an appearance at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I’m back! Sorry it took a while. I’m not particularly proud of this chapter, but I’ve spent so long trying to make it better that at this point, I’m just done. I might rewrite it later, who knows.
> 
> There is a vague part in here where Michael smokes some weed, and I don’t know if that’d count as a trigger or not. I don’t think there’s anything else, but please correct me if I’m wrong.
> 
> Also, thank you guys so much for all the support I’ve been getting in the comment, and for the kudos. It seriously means a lot to me.

“ Get out of my way…” A beat. “Loser.” Michael felt as if he had been stabbed in the heart.  _ Loser. Loser. Loser. Loser Loser Loser Loserloserloserloser.  _ Jeremy‘s voice wouldn’t stop echoing around the room. “ You’re such a loser. I don’t know why I was ever your friend to start with. Look how much better I am without you. I’m popular. I have friends. I have Christine.” Michael’s eyes were filling with tears.

“I don’t need your help. I don’t need you. No one needs you.” Jeremy’s eyes had a neon blue glow to them. “You’re useless. Pathetic. Hopeless.”

Michael’s face was wet. “I- Jeremy… Nononono, this is just your Squip talking.”

“Stop trying to come up with excuses. You know the truth. This isn’t my Squip. You just won’t admit that I’m better off this way. I have everything I could want. And I got it all without you. You never stood a chance.”

“Stop it!” Michael cried. “Just shut up! Please just stop!” The room grew darker. The walls disintegrated. It was pitch black apart from Jeremy and the blue, featureless humanoid figures with huge smile surrounding them.

There were whispers of ‘ _ Loser. Loser. Loser.’ _  “Maybe you should just leave.” Jeremy hissed. “Just disappear. No one would notice. No one would care.” Michael was kneeling on the ground. Jeremy stepped forward and leaned down, staring him straight in the eye. “Just let go.”

Michael was falling. Falling. Falling. There are pictures of him and Jeremy flying past him. Every couple of seconds they would flicker. When they flickered, they became darker, Jeremy getting a blue glow in his eyes in Michael’s face getting crossed out by a huge red X.

He was falling faster. Faster, faster, faster. Falling and falling and falling and fallingandfallingandfallingandfallingfallingfallingfallingfallingfalli- 

Michael jolted up, breathing heavily, heart pounding, and drenched in sweat. He gulped. His face was wet. He wiped his eyes and shuffled around on his nightstand for his glasses.

This nightmare had been coming back every night since the party, but each night it got more and more twisted. Michael looked over his alarm clock. It read 5:48. There was no way he was falling back asleep, but it was also Saturday, so he didn’t have to get ready early.

He set up and groaned. Maybe he would play a game. He got out of bed and turned on the Apocalypse of the Damned sitting down on a beanbag. He paused, staring at the screen, where there had been an option for one player or two players. Why did Jeremy have to take the damn pill? Why did he have to push them away at that party? Why did Michael have to do everything with Jeremy? Why does everything have to be about Jeremy?

Michael toss down his remote and huffed. Jeremy was gone. Michael needed to learn to live without Jeremy. He looked around his room. The walls were covered with pictures of him and Jeremy over the years. He had more souvenirs from concerts they had been to together, presents he had gotten for his birthday, places they had visited together in his closet and on his dresser.

He got up, went over to his closet, grabbed a box, and start shoving things in, mostly pictures. Neither of his moms came down that morning. It was now 9:23. Maybe they had work today. Whatever. His box was filled with photos and tickets and drawings.

He sighed, staring down at it. Now he just need to figure out what to do with it all. However, that could wait till after he got some food. He went upstairs the kitchen, looking in the fridge, deciding what to eat. Sometimes when Jeremy stayed over, Michael would make pancakes and eggs. But Jeremy wasn’t here, neither were his moms, so it would be kind of useless to make an entire batch of pancakes for himself. He eventually settled on toasting a bagel.

He stuck the two halves in the toaster, pulled out a plate, cream cheese, and a knife, and refilled his cat Khoshekh’s food bowl.

He sat at the table, eating his bagel, staring at the window. A bit over a week ago, he had been so determined to help Jeremy, to find a way to get rid of the Squip. Now, he felt sort of hopeless, empty. He didn’t care anymore. Jeremy didn’t want his help, he had made that pretty clear, and his recurring nightmares did nothing to but help to drive home that point.

He thought of ways to get rid of all his pictures. He could just throw it away, but I didn’t seem like a proper ‘goodbye’. Maybe he burn them. Yeah, that seemed fitting. Jeremy broke his heart, he would burn their memories.

…

Michael sat on his porch, his box of pictures next to him. He pulled something out.  “ A Magic the Gathering card he gave me for the birthday no one else remembered.” He said in the bitter, emotionless tone. “Burn it.” He tossed it in the little fire he had going and watched it burn away. He pulled out the next thing. “The ticket to her first concert together… Weird Al.” He stared at it. “Super burn it.”

He reached his hand into the box to pull something else out when he heard a shout. “Michael!” He jumped up, throwing the joint of weed he was smoking into the fire, hoping whoever it was hadn’t noticed.

“Mr. Heere,” He said. “What are you doing here?” “Uh, we need to talk about Jeremy.”

“Sorry,” he said. “Jeremy and I are friends anymor-”

“Do you love him?” Mr. here cut him off.

Michael paused, blushing. “What?”

“Look, he can be a little shit sometimes, we both know that, but that’s no excuse to sit around burning incense while he turns himself into a monster.” He wasn’t burning incense, but it’s not like Mr. Heere needed to know that.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go…” Michael started heading to his front door.

Mr. Heere sprinted up the steps, standing in front of him. “I need your help. I don’t know how to help him, and I get the feeling you might.”

He looked down at his feet. “I’m not what he wants.”

“Maybe not,” Mr. Heere said. “But you are what he needs. And I know it might be hard, but you just have to suck it up, keep pushing.”

Michael sighed. “I need you to reach out to him.” Mr. Heere pleaded. “Jeremy… won’t listen to me, and-  I can’t blame him, but… Someone has to watch his back.”

“Look, I already tried to help him, and he called me a loser, s-”

“He called me a loser!” Mr. Heere shouted. “So what! He’s in serious trouble right now, and if we give up, we could lose him forever. Then we would be losers.”

“Fine,” Michael sighed. “But if I try harder to be his friend, you have to try harder to be his dad.” He remembered all the times Jeremy had complained about his dad sitting around the house, not even bothering to put pants on. “There’s a Kohl’s down the street. I don’t care what kind- jeans, khaki, leather- you’re not leaving that store until you buy a pair.”

Mr. Heere smiled. “You drive a hard bargain, son.” He stuck out his hand. Michael shook it.

“Alright. You go do that, I’m gonna go to the mall.” Michael said.

“What?” Mr. Heere said. “Why are you going to the mall?”

“To help Jeremy!” He said, reaching for the door. “I’ll explain later! You just go buy some pants!” He close the front door, ran downstairs, and started getting ready while simultaneously texting Jared. He was going to talk to the guy at Payless shoes about the Squip, but he didn’t exactly feel comfortable being there alone. That guy creeped me out. And Jared also had someone close to him who had a Squip. Connor knew what was going on, but he didn’t exactly share the experience of a friend or relative with a Squip.

[12:07] From Michael:

Hey dude you free?

[12:09] From Jared:

Yeah, why?

Michael pulled on his signature red hoodie.

[12:10] From Michael:

We’re gonna go kill a fucking supercomputer.

[12:10] From Jared:

You found a way to shut it off?

[12:12] From Michael:

Not exactly, but we may have a lead with the mtn dew red and we’re going to talk to the guy selling them.

[12:12] From Jared:

Good enough for me. I just gotta get ready first.

[12:12] From Michael:

Sounds good. What’s your address? I’ll pick you up.

Jared sent his address as Michael combed through his hair to make it somewhat manageable.

[12:13] From Michael:

K, I’ll be there in 10. I’ll send you a text when I get there.

Michael pulled on his shoes and grabbed his keys. He ran upstairs and out to his P.T. Cruiser. He checked Jared’s address one more time then started driving over. He pulled up and sent Jared a quick text. A few seconds later, Jared came out the front door and sprinted to the car. He was wearing a button-up over a green T-shirt and khaki shorts despite it being mid-November.

“Alright,” Michael said when he got in. “Let’s go.”

“So what made you decide you were going to actively try to get rid of the Squip again? You’ve been silent ever since Tuesday, when you asked Jenna Rolan about Rich.” Jared asked. “I would’ve thought you would be trying to figure out how to help your friend.”

“Yeah, I, uh, I dunno… I guess I just felt really hopeless and bitter. But Jeremy- his dad came to me for help and convinced me to keep trying.”

“Oh.” Jared said. The car ride was mostly quiet.

When they got to the mall, Michael stump through the entrance, Jared running after him. He went straight for the Payless Shoes. Buy some streak of luck, the same guy who was there the day Jeremy bought his Squip was at the front counter. Jared looked confused, but he didn’t say anything. Michael walked up to the counter.

“Can I help you?” The guy asked.

“Yeah, actually.” Michael said. “I was here a few weeks ago with my friend, and he bought a… a pill.”

The man raised his eyebrow. He creeped Michael out. “We don’t take refunds and are not responsible for anything that happens because of it. Or are you here to buy one?”

“No, I don’t want one! Look, I just want to know if you know how to turn off!”

“You can’t.” The man said.

“I don’t believe you.” Michael said, crossing his arms.

“The only thing that could deactivate it was it discontinued in the 90s.”

“And what would that be?” Michael asked, already certain he knew the answer.

He sighed in an exasperated way. “A version of Mountain Dew called Mountain Dew Red.”

“I knew it.” Michael hissed. “Alright, Jared, we’ve got to go get some vintage soda.” He turned on his heel, walking out of the store.

“Where the hell are you planning on getting some?” Jared asked. “That guy said it was discontinued, like, 30 years ago.”

“I know a guy, at Spencer’s Gifts. I’ve been buying discontinued sodas from him for years.” They continue to walk through the mall in silence. Michael and Jared didn’t know each other all that well, they both just had a common goal of turning off a Squip.

Michael turned into Spencer’s Gifts, walking up to the counter. Standing there was a bored looking college-age kid. “Hey John.” Michael said.

John perked up. “Oh, hey Michael! How are you?”

“I’ve been better.” Michael sighed. “I was wondering if you have any Mountain Dew Red.”

“Mountain Dew Red? I don’t know, I’ll have to go see.” John said. “Just a sec.” he went into a back room and came back a minute later holding an old bottle filled with red liquid. “Alright, I’ve got one bottle at the moment. I could have more by next month, but this is all I have now.”

“Thank you so much, John, that sounds great.” Michael sighed, relieved.

“So, did you just want to try it out or something?” John asked is he rung him up.

“Yeah,” Michael said. “Something like that.”

As soon as the soda was paid for, Michael and Jared went back out to the car and headed straight to the school.

“So why’d you ask me to come?” Jared asked. “I mean, I didn’t really do anything and we barely know each other.”

“I figured you’d probably want a way to turn your brother’s Squip off. Plus I didn’t really want to talk to that guy selling them alone. He creeps me out.” Michael replied.

“That’s fair.” Jared said. “What’s the plan?”

Michael paused. He hadn’t really thought up to past this part. “Well,” He said. “Jeremy’s in the school play. I was thinking maybe we can grab him afterwards and give the Mountain Dew Red to him. His Squip’ll probably put up a fight, so we may need to force him to drink it.”

“Okay.”

The play hadn’t started yet, but it would probably begin soon. He and Jared found seats in the back, near the aisle where he could get out quickly once the play was over.

Play was some weird, post-apocalyptic A Midsummer Night's Dream spin-off, which was really saying something, because the original play was weird enough. However, it was actually pretty good for a school play… a bit too good for a school play.

“Oh God,” He whispered. “They’ve all been Squipped!” He started to get up, shoving the vintage soda in his pocket.

“What are you doing?” Jared hissed.

“I’m going backstage. You stay here. If something goes wrong, you’re the only one who knows what to do.” He rushed out and down the hall, which was thankfully open for the drama club and stage crew.

Michael found a door to go backstage, and listened for a second. He almost couldn’t hear it but there was a quiet, panicked voice.

“-chael! Call Michael!”  _ Jeremy. _ The question of what was going on barely flitted through his mind before he was bursting through the door.

“Michael makes an entrance!” He shouted, for dramatic affect.

“Michael!” Jeremy shouted, voice filled with both panic and relief at the same time. He was on his knees, hand reaching for his phone.

“I was just in the audience, thinking; ‘This is pretty good for a school play.‘ Then I was like; ‘This is way too good for a school play! They’ve all been Squipped, right?!”

“Wuh-w-wait, you came to see me in the play?”

“Even brought my own refreshments!” He pulled the bottle of red soda out of his hoodie pocket.

“Is that-”

“Mountain Dew Red!” He said. “Told you I did my research!”

“That’s amazing! Give it to me!”

“Okay! Oh wait, no!”

Jeremy looked at him with confusion and betrayal. “What? But, I need it!”

“And I need an apology.” He said, suddenly bitter. “I mean, I think that in order. You treat me like I don’t exist for _ weeks _ , blow me off when I try to help you-”

“Okay, okay, fine, I’m so-” Jeremy’s hand flew up to his mouth. “Sssso- sssoooo-”

“Seriously?!” Michael yelled. “Is it really that hard to say sorry?”

“Yes!” Jeremy said. “C’mon, man, this is important!”

“Well, this is important to me!”

“It’s a word!”

“It’s a gesture! Gestures matter!”

Jeremy paused, eyes wide, lifted up his fists, then lunged at him.

“This is so you!” Jeremy grabbed for the bottle Michael was holding. “You love to feel superior, just because you listen to music on vinyl, and eat eel in your sushi, and don’t care about being popular!”

“Of course I care! I just know it’s never gonna happen!” Michael said, dodging so there was a table between them.

“So you resent me because I didn’t give up?”

“No, I don’t resent you! I’m jealous you try!”

“Well i’m jealous you don’t!” Jeremy was on top of the table. Michael scrambled back and tripped. Jeremy was on top of him, punching him in the stomach.

“Then why are you hitting me?!” Michael yelled, attempting to push Jeremy off.

“I’m not- trying to!”

“Don’t try harder!” He grunted.

“It’s- not me! It’s- my- Squip!” Jeremy managed to pull himself away from Michael. “It’s taking over my body! I- you got to help me! I-I’m sorry!” 

“Okay.” He attempted to pin Jeremy down, but failed, due to Jeremy now flailing around almost as if he were possessed or something. He looked around frantically. “Oh, hey Jake! This is gonna sound really weird, but if I hold down Jeremy, do you think you can make him drink this Mountain Dew Red?” Jake didn’t even know him, but there wasn’t time to get anyone else right now.

“Actually,” Jake said. “That doesn’t sound weird at all.” He stepped forward and grabbed the bottle from Michael, then dropped it as he let out a “Gah!” and shoved his hands over his ears.

“...Ja-” Jake stooped down, grabbed the soda bottle, unscrew the lid, and poured it out onto the floor before tossing it behind him.

“I was already pretty cool before,” He said. “But now, with my Squip, I’m awesome! Watch this!” He lifted his crutches out to his sides, then dropped them to his sides.

“Woah,” Jeremy panted nervously. “The Squip healed your legs?!”

“No,” Jake said. “But I can’t feel pain. It’s awesome!”

Michael stumbled back, pulling Jeremy up and back with him.

“There you are Jeremy.” Two voices said in sync. They whipped around to face Brooke and Chloe.

“I just want you to know,” Brooke said. “I’m not mad you broke my heart and slept with my best friend.”

“And i’m not mad you dated my best friend wouldn’t sleep with me.” Chloe added.

“He didn’t sleep with you?” Brooke gasped.

“No.”

“He didn’t sleep with me!”

“No!”

“Oh my God, why was I so jealous of you!” They said simultaneously. “You were jealous of me? That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me! Sisters forever! Jinx!”

“Ugh,” Michael said.

“Michael! The bottle!” Jeremy said, grabbing his arm and pointing to the other side of the room. “There’s still a few drops left!”

“How are we supposed to get it?” Michael asked. There was a sea of Squipped students between them and it.

“Think of it like a video game- Apocalypse of the Damned, Level 9!”

“The Cafetorium! Got it!”

They moved forward, pushing people aside, dodging around hands.

Michael reached down to grab the bottle. “I know what you’re doing Michael.” Jenna said, trying to grab the bottle from him. “I know what everyone’s doing! All the time! I just feel so connected to you guys right now!”

Jeremy and Michael were surrounded. They stood, back to back. Arms reached out and grabbed Michael, pulling him into them. “Michael!” Jeremy shouted.

“Jeremy!” Michael yelled back. “Catch!” He tossed the bottle to him.

Jeremy caught it and brought it up to the lips before bringing it down again slightly and yelling; “Why not?!” at something Michael couldn’t see.

At that moment, Christine walked in. “Jeremy!” She said excitedly.

“Christine!”

“Did you see me out there? The audience loved me!”

“I, uh- that’s amazing!” Jeremy said. “I mean, of course they did!”

“I’m so glad I found you. I wanted to apologize.” 

“You- but, why?”

“Cause, silly, you were right about how it feels, I feel… Amazing.”

“No!” Jeremy gasped.

“You are the person I want to be with every day.”

“That is not Christine.” Jeremy muttered.

“You’re the guy I would kind of be into.” She said. “I love you.”

Michael watched wide-eyed as Jeremy walked forwards towards her. He moved his hand up near her face, staring almost trancelike at her. Tears were forming in Michael’s eyes.

“No,” He tried to say, but the word wouldn’t come out. He had been pinning on Jeremy for years, but in the end, Jeremy wanted Christine, even if that meant keeping his Squip.

Jeremy leaned in, as if he were going to kiss her, then, when they were only centimeters part, he quietly said, “Drink this,” handing Christine the bottle of Mountain Dew Red. Jeremy stepped back. Christine swallowed the last few drops left in the bottle, and stood there, face blank for a few seconds. The screeching started with Christine, Jake, Jenna, so on around the room, and lastly, Jeremy.

The hands holding Michael back we’re gone. Everyone was screaming, and Michael, at a complete loss of what to do, joined in.

……  

Michael sat in the waiting room of the hospital. Everyone in the play who would been Squipped- so, all of them- Had fainted after the screaming stopped. Most of them have gotten up after a few minutes, very confused but otherwise completely fine. Jeremy had stayed unconscious though. 

When the EMT asked what happened, Michael figured it would be easier to tell them the truth rather than trying to come up with something else. He didn’t think they believed him, but it really didn’t matter.

Jeremy had now been out for nearly 2 days (including the day of the play). Michael had seen him a few times already. He seems to be doing fine, or is fine as an unconscious person could be. Jeremy happened to share a room with Rich. He and Michael had had a few awkward conversations while Michael was in there. Michael would have spent the night at the hospital, but Mr. Heere convinced him to go home, get cleaned up, get some food, and some rest. He told his moms Jeremy was in the hospital, but didn’t elaborate.

After the events of the play, Michael had went out to explain to Jared what exactly had happened and drive him home. He also apologized that they didn’t have any more Mountain Dew Red. It was possible that the Red had turned off all the Squips, including Jared’s brother’s, but they might have had to be connected.

“It’s fine.” Jared had said. “It’s probably better this way. I need time to tell my parents about the Squips, and I wouldn’t exactly say that’ll be easy.”

He’d also sent a quick text to Connor telling him they deactivated the Squips and Jeremy was in the hospital. Connor asked him if you needed anything, and he declined.

He was now on his way back to the hospital. He made a quick stop at 7-11 to grab a slushy. He consider grabbing one for Jeremy too, but he wasn’t sure if Jeremy was awake yet, and it was kind of pointless to get a slushy for an unconscious person.

…… 

As Michael was nearing Jeremy‘s hospital room, he could hear voices coming from it. “-been by, like, a ton, by the way. What is he, your boyfriend?” This was followed by a small coughing sound from what sounded like Jeremy.  _ He’s awake!  _ He then realized they must be talking about him. Rich that he was Jeremy‘s boyfriend. Was Michael’s crush on him really that obvious? “No judgment! Just curious. Totally bi now!” Michael chose to walk in at this moment, grinning.

“I’m sure someone will be lucky to have you, Rich.” He said.

“You think?” Rich asked, beaming.

Michael pulled the curtain between Rich and Jeremy closed.  _ Sorry Rich, but I’d like to have as much of the little privacy we can have at the moment. _

“What happened?” Jeremy asked, staring at him. “All I remember is that noise, and…”

“Oh man, it was genius!” He said, sitting down. “They were communicating with each other- they were linked! Which means, when you consider the kind of high-frequency sonic disturbance need to wipe a system that powerful,”

“Michael.” Jeremy interrupted. “My head still hurts.”

“Right, ah… turns out you didn’t have to destroy every Squip. Just one. And the rest…” He made an explosion motion with his hands. “Boom.”

Jeremy stared at him for a moment, then looked away. “I don’t understand. After everything I did, you were still there for me. Why?”

“I can’t take all the credit.” Michael laughed. “Your dad can be shockingly persuasive.”

“My dad?” Jeremy asked skeptically.

At that moment, Mr. Heere walked in, and for once, was wearing actual pants. “Jeremy, are you okay?” He said.

“Actually, I’m great-”

“I’m glad. Because you’re grounded. You’re going to see some serious changes young man, starting-” Jeremy had a huge grin on his face. “What?”

“Dad…” Jeremy laughed. “You’re wearing…”

“Don’t looks so surprised. I’m your father, and I wear the pants around here!” Mr. Heere said. “Now, let’s get down to business. Who is this Christine person, and why did I have to hear about her from him?” He gestured to Michael.

“It doesn’t matter. After what I did, I’m lucky if she still wants to go to same school as me.” He looked over at Michael, who is holding back a laugh. Christine had visited a for few minutes the day before. “What?”

“It’s reassuring, honestly. He still doesn’t understand anything about girls.”

“Like you know anything more!” Jeremy blurted. “You’re gay as hell!”

“Please.” Michael said with mock offense. “I’m the straightest person you’ve ever met.”

“Shut up.” Jeremy laughed.

Jeremy‘s nurse walked in. “Oh! You’re awake!” She exclaimed cheerily. “I’m your nurse, Heidi. I’ll be back in in just a moment to do a few tests just to check everything’s good, but I’ll give you a moment to actually feel awake.”

…… 

Heidi came back couple minutes later. She did a few tests; blood pressure, if Jeremy get up and walk around the room, which he could do just fine, things like that. “Alright.” She said after Jeremy was done. “I would suggest you walk around some more, maybe go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat. Also, Mr. Heere, do you think I could talk to you in the hall for a moment?”

“Oh.” Mr. Heere said, looking back at Jeremy. “Sure.” They went out to the hall, and Heidi closed the door behind them. “Is something wrong?” He asked, worried.

“No,” Heidi reassured. “No, Everything’s fine. Jeremy is doing great, actually. I’d guess he’ll be out in the next day or two. I was just wondering if you know what happened before he was brought in?”

Mr. Heere laughed. “I can assure you I am probably just as confused as you are.”

“Okay. From what I heard he swallowed a pill-sized supercomputer?”

“That’s what I was told.” Mr. Heere said. “But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t skeptical.” They both gave a small, short laugh, then after a beat of silence, Mr. Heere sighed. “Whatever it was, I feel like it maybe could’ve been prevented if I had been there for him. I- my wife left a few years ago, and I haven’t really been the dad he needs… I’m sorry, I guess I got a little carried away there-”

“No, it’s fine, I totally get it.” Heidi said. “You want to give everything to your kid, but you can only do so much. My husband left us 10 years ago. I’m always at work, so I don’t really get to spend much time with my son Evan. We’re just… kind of distant.” Heidi laughed. “Well, I should probably get back to work now. It was nice talking to you though!”

“Oh, um, yeah! You too!”

Mr. Heere smiled. Heidi waved while she walked off. Mr. Heere Turned and walked back into the room, where Jeremy and Michael were grinning and laughing. Things will be better now, he thought, hopefully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, sorry this took so long for me to put up here, I think it’s been, like, 3 months. And thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor helps Jared through an emotional breakdown in the park and convinces him to try and fix things with Evan. Heidi and Connor talk, and Zoe is trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo, this chapter is a fucking rollercoaster.
> 
> First of, some trigger warnings for this chapter:  
> (Very vague) Implied/referenced suicide attempt  
> Mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts  
> Panic attack (Sort of? I'm not quite sure if it is or not.)  
> Self harm  
> A bit of blood  
> Talk of mental illness  
> That's all I can think of, but please tell me if I've missed anything. If anyone wanted a summary of this chapter, you can ask me on my tumblr:  
> https://reedtails.tumblr.com/  
> Please stay safe! 
> 
> Sorry this took me so long to get up here. There was actually a different chapter from Rich's point of view that was originally supposed to come before this, but I had inspiration for this one and it ended up being done first, so Rich's chapter will actually end up coming after the next chapter, because this is sort of a two-part chapter.  
> Second, just a heads up, the timeline for the next few chapters is a little weird and jumps around a bit. This chapter takes place during Thanksgiving Break.  
> Also, a few chapters ago I had mentioned possibly giving Jared a boyfriend, and as much as I would love to, I just don't see a way to do that and have it be at all relevant to the rest of the story, and I feel it would take away from him mending his friendship with Evan and starting a friendship with other characters, specifically (at the moment) Connor and Michael.  
> And for everyone wondering after the last chapter, yes, this will eventually be a Step Bros AU.  
> Lastly, thank you all so much for all the support I've gotten for this story. It really means a lot to me and is one of my biggest motivators.

“If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?”

Connor sat, staring over the orchard lit by midday sunshine, pondering Evan’s latest question for him. “Hmm… I don’t know. I guess I’ve never really thought about that before.” He said. “Somewhere near the ocean, I think. How ‘bout you?”

“It’d be cool to see the redwood forest in California, but that’s, uh, that’s pretty far from here, so…” Even sat next to Connor, about 30 feet up in the tree. Connor just had a light jacket, but Evan was bundled up in a thicker coat. It was times like this, with Evan, that Connor felt happy, genuinely happy.

“Makes sense,” Connor said. “I mean, you’re Evan Hansen, the resident tree expert, of course you’d want to go see trees.”

Evan's face grew even more pink than it already was from the cold. “W-well, I’m not sure I’m an expert, I just like trees a- a lot.”

Connor laughed. “Oh come on, don’t be humble. You know much more about trees than most people do. I think that makes you an expert.”

“Okay. I guess if, uh, if you say so.” Evan smiled.

Connor had noticed Evan had stuttered a lot less over the last week and a half or so. _Maybe he’s getting more comfortable around me._ Connor thought hopefully.

“Alright,” Connor said. “My turn.” He thought for a moment. “What superpower would you want to have?”

“Um, I, uh, being able to make, um, make portals would be kind of cool, ‘cause then I wouldn’t need to get a ride to go anywhere, or, err, or take the bus.”

Connor nodded. “That sounds nice. I mean, I have a car, but still… I always wanted levitation, or being able to fly.”

“That would be really cool.” Evan said. They sat quietly for a few minutes. Evan looked at his watch. “Oh, crap.” He said.

“What?” Connor asked, looking over at him.

“I-, uh, my mom said she was getting off work early today, and, um, we were going to hang out. I’m sorry, I forgot about that, sorry, I-”

“Evan.” Connor said. Evan stopped. “It’s fine. Here, c’mon, I’ll take you home.”

Evan nodded. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything.”

“So-” Evan started. “Err, okay.”

They climbed down from the tree they were in and headed to Connor's car.

At some point on the drive back to Evan’s house, Evan asked him about the music he had on.

“You seem to, uh, you play this band a lot. What is it?”

“Oh, they’re called The Killers. I like a lot of the music, so… I also like Coldplay and Queen.” Connor said. He paused. “I can turn on something else if you don’t like it.”

“No, no, no, I, uh, I like it. It’s nice. I was just wondering.” Evan said quickly.

“Oh.” Connor replied. “Well, uh, what kind of music do you usually listen to?”

“Um, I- I mostly like the music my mom likes… I don’t really have a specific band, I guess? More just, like, uh, whatever my mom has on.”

When they pulled up to Evan’s house, there was another car already there. Connor walked Evan up to his front door. Evan opened it and stepped inside, then turned to Connor. “Um… th-thanks, for, uh, driving me home…”

Connor laughed. “Well, I was your ride there.”

Evan chuckled awkwardly. “Ri- right.”

There was a call from inside the house. “Hey Honey, you’re back!” A middle-aged woman with curly blond hair and wearing scrubs walked into the hall. “Oh, hello.” She said, noticing Connor. “You must be Connor. Evan’s mentioned to you a few times. I’m his mom.” She smiled at him. Connor now realized she was actually fairly young, but overwork and stress made her seem older at first glance. Evan looked slightly uncomfortable. “Did you boys have fun?”

“Uh, y- yeah.” Evan said quietly.

“We had a lovely time,”  Connor said. “Thank you, Ms. Hansen.”

“Heidi, please.” She said. “Come in, it’s cold out there! You can stay for dinner, if you want. We’d be happy to have you!” Evan looked almost panicked at this.

“Thanks, Ms. Ha- Heidi, but I should probably get home. I’ve got homework I need to finish.” And while it was Thanksgiving break, he did technically have some math homework he was supposed to finish. That didn’t mean he was going to do it, but Evan looked uncomfortable, so it was an excuse to leave. He wondered why Evan was so nervous. Heidi seemed nice enough. To be fair, his parents also seemed nice, but Heidi didn’t give off the same vibe as his parents. Was it Connor that Evan had a problem with? _No,_ Connor thought. _That’s not it._ But there was still that little voice in the back of his head that asked. Whatever. It wasn’t like Connor had some right to know Evan’s reasons for things, and he wasn’t going to push for an answer. He wanted to be a good friend, after all.

“Ah, well, another time, perhaps.” Heidi said, smiling. “I’m glad I could meet you, Connor.”

“You too. I’ll see you later, Evan.”

“Yeah, um… b-bye.”

Connor went and got back in his car, debating whether to actually go back home or not. In the end, he decided he would. He could just sit in his room or something. At least Larry wouldn’t be home yet. Things normally went a lot better when he didn’t have to talk to Larry.

His house wasn’t too far from Evan’s, which was nice. Only about a five-minute drive. As soon as the front door shut behind him, he could hear his mom talking to him from the kitchen.

“Connor, is that you?” He didn’t reply, going straight upstairs to his bedroom, which was still missing a door, despite it being nearly, what, three months since… Well, he wasn’t going to go there at the moment. Anyway, he wasn’t in the mood to get into an argument about how Cynthia wanted him to tell her when he was going places.

He laid down on his bed, not bothering to take his shoes off. He grabbed the book he was currently reading, which was sitting on his bedside table. The book in question was William Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’. Connor actually really enjoyed Shakespeare. Most high schoolers would complain when reading Shakespeare for a class, but not him. He liked most of the books they were supposed to read. It was one of the few things in his English classes that he actually did, reading the books. He didn’t, however, usually do the assignments that came with them.

Connor had been reading for about 30 minutes when he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. He pulled it out, expecting a text from Evan, or maybe Michael. What he wasn’t expecting was a text from Jared-Fucking-Kleinman, not in the group chat with Michael.

[5:28] From Kleinman:

Hey what are you doing right now?

_What the fuck?_

[5:29] From Connor:

Wtf look at who your texting Kleinman

[5:29] From Kleinman:

I know exactly who I’m texting asshole. Are you doing anything right now?

[5:30] From Connor:

Why??

This was just weird now.

[5:31] From Kleinman:

Look, I just need to get out of the house and I don’t want to be alone right now and Michael’s with his friend Jeremy and Evan is still mad at me and I don’t have any other friends.

_Jesus Christ…_

[5:32] From Connor:

And so… I’m your last resort?

[5:32] From Kleinman:

Yes, dude, please!

Connor just stared at his phone for a moment. Kleinman didn’t seem to be his usual arrogant asshole self at the moment. He let out a frustrated sigh.

[5:34] From Connor:

Okay, on one condition. You tell me what the fuck happened between you and Evan. He still doesn’t want to talk about it.

[5:35] From Kleinman:

Fine, whatever.

[5:35] From Connor:

Okay. Where my going?

[5:36] From Kleinman:

You know the park across the street from the high school?

[5:36] From Connor:

Yeah, I know it. I can be there in 10 minutes.

[5:37] From Kleinman:

Thank you

Yeah, this was definitely weird. Connor swung his feet off the bed, shoving his phone back into his pocket, leaving his book where he’d set it down on his bed. He went down the stairs two at a time and stood in the entryway fishing his keys out of his jacket.

“Where are you going?” Connor looked up. Zoe was leaning against the wall, arms crossed.

“Out.” He said, turning towards the door.

“Yeah, I can see that. Out where? If you’re going to go get high again, I swear-”

“Why the fuck do you care?!” He spat.

Zoe stared at him, hurt and angry. _Shit._ He’d exploded at her again. “Because I wanted to check if you were okay for once, asshole! I wanted to make sure you weren’t doing anything stupid!” She retorted.

“Well, you don’t need to, ‘cause I’m fine.” He promptly went outside before anything else can happen, slamming the door behind him. He heard a muffled ‘Screw you!’ right after.

…… 

Connor pulled up to the park Jared had been talking about. He got out. There was one other car there. Upon closer inspection, Jared Kleinman was inside, his forehead leaning against his hands, which were gripping the steering wheel. He seemed to be breathing heavily. His glasses were sitting in a cup holder.

Connor tapped on the window and Jared sat up, a look almost resembling relief coming over his face. He grabbed his glasses, fumbling for the doors handle. Connor stepped back as the short boy stumbled out. His breathing was, indeed, slightly labored and shaky. _Holy shit, he does not seem to be doing well._

“So,” Connor said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “What the hell happened so that you would come outside in November at 6 PM with me for company?”

“I- my parents are arguing, and-” Jared gulped. “I couldn’t- I couldn’t take any more of it.” All of this was said fairly quietly, a volume Connor had never heard come out of Kleinman before. “They’ve argued before, but- but now it’s all my fault and they don’t believe me and they’re mad at me and-”

“Jesus, just sit down before you have a panic attack.” Connor pinched the bridge of his nose and pointed to a bench that was a few feet away.

“N-no, I don’t get panic attacks, Evan gets panic attacks.” Despite this, Jared complied, and it was said without his usual snarkiness.

Once Kleinman was sitting down, Connor came and stood in front of him. “Okay.” He said. “What do you mean by they don’t believe you?”

Jared took a couple of deep breaths. “I told my parents about my brother and his Squip and my dad thinks I’m lying and I don’t know if my mom completely believes me or not but she thinks that it’s worth checking out and my dad keeps telling her it’s pointless and I started yelling about how he never listens to me and he barely even knows me yet he is always just disappointed in me and somewhere in our argument I told them that I was gay and my dad is mad and I don’t know what my mom thinks, I left before I could find out and-”

“Shut up.” Connor said, but not angrily. Jared immediately closed his mouth. He was shaking slightly. Connor sighed. “I _really_ hate to say this, but I know how you feel. I am… normally the reason my parents argue.” He remembered their most recent fight.

_“He needs to step up and get his life together!”_

_“He needs help, Larry!”_

This had lasted for at least an hour. Connor had spent the duration of it sitting against his bedroom wall, hands over his ears, fingers digging into his scalp, trying to keep his breathing normal, failing miserably.

Jared stared at his feet for a few seconds, then murdered; “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Connor asked.

“I treated you horribly. I was such an ass. I am an ass.” He let out a short, humorless, almost hysterical laugh. “Hell, I can’t even keep a real friendship. I fucked everything up with Evan and Michael literally only hung out with me because we both had someone close to us who had a Squip. I mean we’re online friends, but… that doesn't really count, we literally play one game together and didn't talk outside that, so...”

“What happened between you and Evan anyway?” Connor asked.

Jared pushed his hand into his hair, elbows resting on his knees. “I was jealous. I- you’re closer to him than I’ve been in years… Maybe even more than we’ve ever been, and in not even a month. You have no clue how much I want that. I- I fucked up. I made him think I didn’t want to hang out with him. I pushed him away and used him to my advantage and I messed up- I messed up.” He wiped his face on the sleeve of the hoodie he was wearing.

“Yeah, you did.” Connor wasn’t really want to give sympathy. “But you’re also the only one who can fix it.” Jared kept staring down at the ground. “Have you even tried talking to Evan?”

Jared huffed and shook his head. “He’s mad at me. He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“I don’t think he’s as mad as you think he is,” Connor said. “I mean, he’s a little mad and pretty hurt, but that’s justified, you were a complete dick to him. However, that could be fixed if you actually tried.” _God_ , he was such a hypocrite.

“I don’t know how to talk to him.”

“You just have to do it. Text him, call him, go over to his house and ask if he’s willing to see you, whatever.” He pulled out his phone to check the time. It read 6:12. “We could go over there right now…” he said hesitantly. Evan was spending time with his mom, and he hated to intrude on that, but Jared seriously needed to talk to him, it would probably make Evan feel a lot better too. As much as Evan was trying to appear as if he were fine, Connor could still see that he was pissed and hurt.

Jared nodded slowly.

“Cool,” Connor said. “Get in my car. I don’t trust you to be driving in your state. We can come back later.”

Jared took a deep breath and stood up. “Okay.” He said quietly.

…… 

“So,” Jared said after a bit of silence on their way to Evan’s house. “You and Evan, huh?”

Connor looked over at him for half a second before looking back at the road. “No? What makes you think we’re together?”

“Well, you just seem really close for not knowing each other for very long … Just sayin’, it’s easy to assume.”

“Well… we’re not- There’s not anything between us. Why do you ask? Do you have a crush on him or something?”

“Did.” Jared corrected. “A while ago. For years. But I’m over him now, he didn’t really seem to have any feelings for me, plus he’s also really fuckin’ oblivious... and I kind of ruined any chance I might have had with him...” Jared sighed. “I just want to make sure he gets someone who’ll take care of him. You two seem to fit. I never would’ve guessed, not in a million years, but he seems happy and comfortable around you, which, when talking about Evan, is really something.”

“Oh… I don’t really see him in that kinda way… so…”

It was around 6:24 when they arrived at Evan’s. They both went up to the door, and Jared knocked. Heidi answered a few seconds later. “Oh, Jared! And Connor! What a pleasant surprise! I thought you said you had homework.”

“Yeah…” Connor said awkwardly. “I, uh, finished sooner than I thought I would.”

“Ah. Well, come in!” Heidi said, smiling. “What are you two here for?”

“Well, we actually wanted to talk to Evan. Or, Jared wanted to talk to Evan, and I drove him over.”

“I see.” Heidi said. “I didn’t know you two were friends.”

“Well, sort of…” Jared said. “Not really. It’s- complicated.”

Connor spotted Evan quietly stepping into the hallway. His eyes first landed on Connor, confused, then shifted to Jared, which after almost immediately moved to the wall.

“Hey, Evan.” Jared said cautiously.

“Hi.” Evan mumbled.

“Can we talk?” Jared asked. Evan shrugged. “Maybe we can go to your room or something?” Evan shrugged again, but also turned and started walking down the hall, Jared following after second.

Connor, sure he wasn't allowed to follow, stood on comfortably in the middle of the entryway. Heidi looked over at him questioningly.

“What happened.” She asked.

“They got into an argument a couple of weeks ago. You’ll have to ask Evan about it, it’s not my place to talk about it.” Connor replied after Evan and Jared disappeared into what he assumed was Evan’s room.

“Oh…” She said. There was a moment of silence. “Um, do you want to come sit in the living room? It would be nice to get to know you, because you and Evan are friends.”

“Err- sure.” He said. She lead him into a small-ish living room connected to the kitchen. On one end was a couch and an armchair, on the other, a TV, and in the middle, a coffee table. Heidi sat down on the couch, and Connor sat on the edge of the armchair. He looked down at his feet, suddenly realizing he still had his boots on. “Oh, I’m sorry, I should’ve taken my shoes off back at the door.”

“No, it’s alright!” Heidi said. “We’re not really picky about that here, it’s completely fine.”

“Okay. You sure? I don’t want to get your carpet dirty or anything.” He didn’t care in his own home, but he wasn’t in his own home.

“Yes.” Heidi laughed. “So, tell me, how did you and Evan meet?”

“Well, uh, we have a few classes together, and I- um, signed his cast, but we didn’t really start talking till the beginning of this month.” He left out the part where he’d pushed Evan, yelled at him, and stole his… letter… thing. Even he and Evan hadn’t talked about that very much.

“I'm so glad you two get along. I think this has been really good for him.” She was grinning. “He’s actually getting out of the house, and I think having someone for him to talk to is really helpful.”

“I’m glad I can talk to him too. He’s a pretty good listener.” Connor said.

“Where do you guys go most days?” Heidi asked.

“Uh, there’s this old orchard I used to go to with my family when I was younger. It’s closed down now, but I still go there sometimes to calm down, and they have a lot of trees, so I thought Evan would like that.”

She nodded. “That does seem like something he’d like.” They sat awkwardly for a minute, neither knowing exactly what to talk about, then Heidi said; “Um, have you and Jared eaten yet? That offer on dinner is still open. I still haven’t started it yet, so… I should probably go do that.”

“ I haven’t eaten yet, and I highly doubt Jared has. Dinner would be great. As long as you’re sure we’re not intruding or anything…” He didn’t really feel like eating at home, and guessed Jared didn’t want to either.

“Oh, you’re fine. We'd love to have you anytime.”

“Okay.” He trailed off. “Do you want any help?”

Heidi smiled. “That would be wonderful. Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Connor said. “No problem.” He got up and followed Heidi into the kitchen.

“I was thinking I’d make tacos or something.” She said, pulling a pan out of the cupboard. “How does that sound?”

“It sounds great Ms. H- err, Heidi.” He paused. “Uh, What do you want me to do?”

“I think there’s some onions and tomatoes in the fridge. Do you think you could chop them up for me?”

“Sure.” He said, smiling. When Connor was younger, he’d help his mom make dinner. It had been a while since they did that, they’d grown so distant. _He’d_ grown so distant.

Connor opened the fridge and looked through a couple of drawers before finding a few tomatoes and an onion. “Knives are in the drawer next to the stove, and there’s a cutting board in the cupboard underneath.” Heidi said, pulling some ground turkey out of the freezer and putting it in the microwave. 

“Cool,” Connor said. He got a knife and a cutting board and started chopping up the onions.

“So, Connor,” Heidi said. “What do you plan to do after high school?”

He was never prepared for this question, despite it being something adults asked him fairly often, mainly because he didn’t think he’d live that far. “Um… I don’t really know. I haven’t really thought about it much, there’s not anything I want to do.”

“That’s alright,” Heidi replied. “You don’t need to figure that out right now.” Well, that answer was new. People usually told him he was a senior in high school, he was going to college soon, he needed to figure his life out.

“Thanks.” He said, smiling. “Larry- My dad is pissed off that I don’t know. To be fair, most of the things I do these days piss my dad off, so…”

“I’m sorry,” Heidi said, looking over at him. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Connor shrugged and continue cutting the onions. _Jesus, they were strong._

“I just…” he started, hesitantly. “I wish he would give half a shit about me. He thinks I don’t try hard enough, but then he doesn’t even give me a chance to try.” There were tears in his eyes, not only from the onions, but also from frustration. “He won’t listen to me when I tell him I can’t try harder, and he refuses to help me, and my mom doesn’t fight back hard enough, and-” There was a sharp pain in his knuckle, and he let out a short, startled yelp. In his anger, he hadn’t been paying attention to exactly where the knife was going. He pressed his bleeding knuckle into his hoodie sleeve. It was stinging, and the onion juice was not helping. His tears were now rolling down his cheeks.

He felt a hand carefully touch his shoulder. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Heidi said softly. “Here, let’s go clean that up before it gets infected.” He just nodded as she walked him to the bathroom. She pulled some bandages, ointment, cotton balls, and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide out of the medicine cabinet, then turned on the faucet. “Let’s wash off this blood.” She started to push back his sleeve.

“Nononono-” He tried to object, but it was too late. She sucked in a tiny breath as she noticed the scars, some old and faded, others fairly fresh, covering his forearm.

“Connor…” She asked quietly. He pulled his arm away, pressing against his chest. “Can I please see?”

He looked away, then groaned as he let his arm down slightly. Heidi didn’t seem like she would lecture him about it or act like he was some pity case. Plus, she had already seen the cuts and heard too much, so how much more damage could it do?

She held his wrist tentatively. “Let’s wash and cover up your knuckle, then I’ll take a look at that. Is that okay?” Connor nodded. “Okay.” She held his hand under the running water until the blood rinsed off, then pressed a cotton ball soaked in hydrogen peroxide to the wound. It stung, but it had already been stinging, so it didn’t make a huge difference.

Once his finger was properly bandaged, Heidi carefully turned his arm so she could examine his other cuts. “How long have you been doing this?” She asked after a moment. He shrugged. “Connor…”

“Couple of years…” he muttered. She nodded.

“Does anyone else know?”

“No.” He said quietly. “Not about the recent ones.”

“I’m going to clean these and get them covered, okay?” He nodded. She opened back up the medicine cabinet, this time pulling out some gauze, tape, scissors, and alcohol wipes. She helped him pull off his jacket, then had him sit down on the lid of the toilet. He winced as she ran a wipe over the cuts. His eyes were still wet from earlier. After she’d wiped them down, she wrapped them in gauze and moved on to the other arm.

“I’ll have to tell your parents about this, alright?” He nodded again, trembling a bit. “Not right now, but sometime soon… How much they already know?”

“Um…” he said after a few seconds, voice slightly shaky. “They know about the- the older ones.” He stared down his arms for a bit. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone really tried this hard for him; actually listening to him and helping him out, and Heidi barely knew him.

“Why are you helping me?” He asked. “You literally met me a few hours ago.”

Heidi looked surprised he would even ask this. “You’re Evan’s friend, and even if you weren’t, you still deserve help.”

No he didn’t. Anytime anyone did try to help him, he ended up hurting them and turning them against him. He thought back to when he was leaving his house. Zoe’d said she wanted to check on him, make sure he was okay, and he yelled at her. She’d actually been trying, and- _Fuck._ He was crying again.

“Hey,” Heidi said, putting her hand on his back and rubbing in a circle. “Hey. Shh… shh… it’s okay. Come here.” She pulled him into an embrace. He was crying even more now. “There, there… let it all out.”

It was only a matter of time before he hurt Evan. He’d already yelled at him twice and pushed him once. Who’s to say that wouldn’t happen again? _That was before I knew him._ A tiny part of his brain argued. But did that make it any better? That just means he acted out without any real provocation. He hadn’t even given a great apology. What would happen if he hurt Evan now that they were closer?

He let out a pain-filled sob. Heidi pulled him closer. Why was she doing this? She shouldn’t care. Why does she care? _Because she’s a good person._

Heidi was a good person. Evan was a good person. Zoe was a good person. Connor was not a good person. He hurt people. He scared good people like Evan away. Why hadn’t Evan left yet? How did he not see how fucked up Connor was? Zoe had. His mom had. Larry had. Hell, even Kleinman could see! Why could Evan not? And why was Heidi still hugging him? He was a mess. Oh God, he was getting tears all over her shirt.

He pulled back, wiping his eyes and shakily breathing in and out. “I’m sorry…” he choked out.

“Why would you be sorry?” Heidi asked.

“Because-” Connor said. “Because I got your shirt all wet, and you had to help me, and you shouldn’t have to see me like this.”

“ I didn’t have to help you, Connor, I helped you because I wanted to.”

“But- Why would you want- People normally don’t help me.”

Heidi thought for a moment, unsure how to respond. She ended up asking him a question instead. “How are things at home for you?”

Connor wasn’t expecting that. “I, um…” He stared down at his hands.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable,” Heidi said. “But if you were willing, it would be helpful for me.”

 _Why?_ Connor wondered. “Well, uh, it’s… not great? Um… My sister, she- well, our relationship… it’s… I… we’re… I yell at her, and she yells at me, and- it’s just- really broken, she hates me, she’s scared of me, and… I don’t think I can fix it- I don’t- I don’t know how. And my mom… she tries, but- not hard enough. She’s never there for me the way I need, and she and Larry are always arguing, and she wants to help me, I think, but in the end, Larry always wins, he just won’t listen to me.”

“Have you been clinically diagnosed with anything?” Heidi asked slowly.

“No,” Connor said, continuing to look intensely at his hands, beginning to chip away at the nail polish on his ring finger with his thumb. “But- I know somethings wrong. I’m depressed. Anxious. Angry.” Again, a piece of him wondered why he was confiding so much to her. Perhaps it was because Heidi felt so far from all his family issues. She wasn’t involved, so she would be less likely to be biased and not listen to his side of things. _I’m often suicidal._ Part of him considered adding, but he didn’t.

“Have you ever considered a therapist or counseling?”

“I went to therapy back in ninth grade, but… uh, I only went for a couple months before Larry decided it wasn’t working… I’ve asked… multiple times, though. To get help. I just-” He paused. “ I want to get better, but- I- I can’t. I don’t know- don’t know how, and… I just feel… so alone. All the time, ‘cause nobody knows what to do with me, ‘cause I’m so messed up.”

“Do you want me to recommend therapy for you to your parents?” Heidi asked softly. Connor nodded after a moment.

“Thank you.” He said.

Heidi pulled him into another hug. “You’re welcome here anytime, you know that?”

“Okay,” He croaked.

“Do you want to go back to the kitchen now?” She asked. Connor nodded. “Alright.” She helped him up and handed his jacket back to him, which he immediately slipped on. He followed her back into the kitchen, where she pulled the (now thawed) ground turkey out of the microwave, opened it up, and put it in the pan, turning the stove on.

Connor went back over to the cutting board. He washed the knife he’d been using with soap and water, being careful to avoid his bandages. Luckily enough, the knife had been the only thing that got blood on it, so he wouldn’t need to get a new onion.

“Oh, you don’t need to keep helping, Connor.” Heidi said, looking over at him.

“I’m fine.” Connor said. “I want to help.”

“Okay,” Heidi said. “If you’re sure.”

Connor smiled slightly. “Yeah. I’m sure.” He finished chopping up the onion, then moved onto the tomatoes.

“You’re a good kid, Connor.”

Connor let out a small, dry laugh. “I’m not so sure about that.” He replied.

She sighed. “Everyone has things they regret, things they wish they’d never done, things they wish they could go back and change, but those things don’t necessarily determine whether you’re a good person or not. You’ve struggled quite a bit with those things, it seems, but you genuinely want to change. You’ve made friends with Evan, which, from what you told me, isn’t a small step for you. You helped Jared, even if you mostly just brought him here so he could talk to Evan. You’re headed in the right direction, the question now is where do you decide to go from here?”

Connor was silent for a couple of minutes, then he stated; “I’m going to talk to my sister.”

He couldn’t see Heidi‘s face, but he could tell she was smiling. “I’m glad to hear that. It’ll turn out fine.” She reassured.

“I hope so.”

…… 

“Hey, Evan.” Jared said cautiously.

“Hi.” Evan mumbled. He averted his gaze to the wall, the floor, his mom, anywhere to avoid eye contact with Jared. His mind was racing with questions. _Why is he here? Why is he with Connor? What does he want? Is he mad at me? Does his voice sound mad? He’s probably mad at me. Mad because I stopped hanging out with him. Mad because I yelled at him._

“Can we talk?” Jared asked, snapping Evan out of his inner panicked rambling. He shrugged, still looking anywhere but Jared‘s face. “Maybe we can go to your room or something?” _Oh God. Oh God. Oh God._ Despite his thoughts screaming at him everything that could and would go wrong, he shrugged again and turned around, heading to his room, not really checking if Jared was following. He was. Evan sat down on his bed as Jared quietly shut the door behind him.

Jared turned to him sighed. “Um, I just wanted to start off by saying… I messed up. I _really_ messed up.”

“Yup.” Evan said quietly. “You did.”

Jared nodded, glancing away from him. “Also, that, uh… I- I understand if you don’t forgive me… I haven’t done anything to deserve it.” _No, he hasn’t._ “But just… Hear me out?”

Evan gave a little nod.

“Okay.” Jared exhaled. “Okay. So, first and foremost, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I pushed you away. I’m sorry that I treated you like shit. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I _ever_ told you you weren’t actually my friend. I’m so sorry I hurt you by making jokes at your expense. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry.” Jared let out a little sob. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Evan wasn’t sure what to say, so he stayed silent.

“I was jealous. I was jealous and I was prideful, and I put my pride before your feelings.”

Jared took off his glasses and wiped the back of his hand over his eyes. “Second,“ He said slowly. “I wanted to give you an explanation.”

“For what?” Evan finally spoke up. His mind was racing with possibilities for what Jared meant.

“For, uh, why I started treating you like… that in the first place.” _Oh._ “So, uh, do you- do you remember a few years ago when I told you my brother Jason was ignoring me and I didn’t know why?”

Evan paused for a moment. “Yeah.” Jared had come to him, distraught and frustrated. Jason has always been fairly nice, but during their freshman year and his senior year, he’d abruptly become much more cold for no reason.

“Well, that wasn’t completely true. I- I did know why, but- it was complicated, and I didn’t want to drag you into it.” Evan finally looked at him directly, confused. “You see, he took his pill that was supposed to make him cool, and- it did, but it also turned him into a complete asshole and made him ignore me because I wasn’t cool enough.” _Why is he telling me this?_ “And I hated that. So I decided I would prove to him that I could be cool.” _Is that his excuse? Did he take one?_ “Turns out lots of people think jokes that are aimed at another person are hilarious… You don’t, however. I saw how uncomfortable they made you feel, so I distanced myself from you.” _So you wouldn’t seem like a loser for hanging around me?_ “That way, I thought, I wouldn’t accidentally hurt you.” Jared laughed dryly. “Clearly that backfired.”

“Oh…” Evan said. Again, he was a bit at a loss for what to say.

“I just- I never meant to hurt you. I just want you to know that.”

“Yeah.” He responded. “That… That still do- doesn’t fix everything.”

Jared nodded. “I know. I- I’ll leave now. I won’t bother you anymore. I just thought I’d clear this up.” He turned around and reached for the door handle.

“Wait-” Evan started. He still had some questions for Jared, and if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t want to just let Jared go, because a huge part of him missed how they used to be. Jared paused, looking back at him. “Why did you tell me you were hanging out with me so your mom would pay for your car insurance?”

Jared was silent for a moment. “I was worried you wouldn’t stay with me if you didn’t have a reason.” He finally replied.

“So you resorted to making me feel guilty if I didn’t hang out with you?” He asked, staring at his hands.

“I’m not proud of it.”

“Wh- what about when you said you were dealing with some… mental health problems too? Why- why didn’t you tell me?” Sure, that wasn’t really something people went around making sure everyone knew about, but Evan and Jared have been friends since before they could talk. Well, family friends, but that was still something. Jared knew all about Evan’s struggles… Most of them, at least, but Evan knew nothing about what was going through Jared’s head at any given time. Earlier, Jared had described how he felt as ‘a mental war to tell himself he’s worth something.’ How bad was it?

Jared left sadly. “Is that really much of a question at this point?”

“Right.” Evan muttered. Well, that wasn’t really much of answer, but... it wasn’t imperative they discussed that now.

There was an awkward silence. “Well, uh, I’ll see you around, Evan.” Once again, he turned to the door.

“Maybe we can start over,” Evan said.

“What?” Jared asked.

“Like, we cou- could try again? I mean, I don’t know if I’m quite ready to forgive you, but this- this would be a step towards that. We can restart, and, um, actually be- be friends this time?”

Jared grinned. “Really?”

“Yeah, uh, well, there’s gon- going to be a, a few rules. First, you have to stop making jokes about me. I- I don’t like them.” Evan said, picking up a string coming off his shirt.

“I’ll try,” Jared responded.

“Okay.” That was good enough, for now, at least. “Second, you have to actu- actually be my friend. Not, uh, not ‘family friends’.”

“I think that’s kind of a given, but I can do that.”

“Last, I know you and Connor don’t, um, you don’t get a- along great, but I’m just asking you to please try? I mean, he did drive you here, so that’s s- something, I guess… What was that about, any- anyway?”

“Oh, right,” Jared said. “That. So, uh, I may have gotten into a fight with my parents and had an emotional breakdown at the park while Murph- Connor talked to me.” Jared began explaining exactly how he got into that situation, how he’d found someone whose friend had taken one of the pills his brother had, he called it a Squip and explained it was actually a pill-sized supercomputer activated by Mountain Dew, how they’d found a way to get rid of it, how he’d told his parents about his brother’s Squip, how his dad didn’t believe him, how he’d outed himself to his parents in anger, how he’d texted Connor out of desperation, and how Connor had convinced him to talk to Evan.

“I, um… Can I crash here tonight?” Jared asked. “I don’t really want to go home…”

“I’ll need, uh, I’ll need to ask my mom, but I think that’ll be- be fine.”

Jared gave a little smile. “Thanks, Evan.”

“Yeah,” Evan said. “Of course.”

“So, uh…” Jared said awkwardly after a moment of silence. “How have you been lately?”

Evan shrugged. “Fine, I guess? Um, it- it’s been nice to have Connor around. He’s pretty great.”

“I’m sure.” Jared said. Evan glared at him. “No, I’m serious. You seem pretty happy when you’re with him.”

“I am. He has good things to talk about. Li- like, uh, things like LGBTQ rights, or, um, women’s equality, how frustrating social gender norms are,” Evan was pretty sure what he’d actually called them was ‘fucking stupid’. Most of their conversations on these sort of topics were Connor angrily ranting or venting, but Evan was a good listener, and they were important topics to discuss. “Global warming, pollution, and deforestation.” Evan had gotten pretty frustrated in that conversation, because humans were destroying their planet, and not enough people were caring, at least, not the people who could make a big difference, and it was getting to a point where it could be irreversible.

“But we als- also talk about more, uh… lighthearted topics? Like, um, like space, and what superpowers we would want, and what books we like.”

“Trees?” Jared asked, grinning.

“Yeah,” Evan replied. “And trees.”

“I’m… glad, that you’re happy around him.” There was a slight undertone of… something, maybe jealousy, Jared was clearly trying to hide in his voice.

“Yeah, well, uh… thanks.” He responded. “M- maybe we should go check on him, uh, Connor. I- I mean, he’s out there with just- just my mom, so…” His mom was great, but sometimes she could be a bit much, especially since Connor was the first legitimate friend (sorry Jared) he’d had in years.

“Right, uh, yeah.” Jared said. Evan got up and they both went out of Evan’s bedroom.

They ended up finding Connor and Heidi in the kitchen. Heidi was standing at the stove laughing, and Connor was leaning against the counter, smiling softly, arms folded across his chest.

“Hey, you guys are having fun without me?” Jared exclaimed as he and Evan walked in.

“I literally just told her a joke.” Connor said.

“Well then, I want to hear it. I want to know what’s so funny.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Kleinman?”

“Yes. Come on, Murphy, tell me the joke.”

“Fine.” Connor huffed. “Why did the duck cross the road?”

Jared raised his eyebrow. “Why?”

“‘Cause he wanted to prove he wasn’t chicken.” Jared burst out laughing. Evan chuckled, and Heidi was laughing quietly again.

“Oh my God, Murphy,” Jared snorted. “That was awful.”

“Yeah, and you can do better?” Connor smirked.

“Is that a challenge?”

Connor shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Alright.” Jared grinned. “A mushroom walks into a bar, and-“

“Wait, what?” Connor laughed.

“Just shut up and let me tell the joke.” Jared said. “So, a mushroom walks into a bar, and the bartender tells him; ‘We don’t serve your kind here.’ and the mushroom says; ‘Why not? I’m a fungi.’”

It took a moment for Evan to process what Jared meant. _Fungi. Fun guy._ Oh. _It’s a pun._

“Seriously?” Connor said, smiling.

“Shut up, it’s better than yours!”

“Yeah, right.”

Jared let out a humored grown. “What about you, Evan? Got any jokes for us?”

“Oh, uh, I- I dunno, I’m not- not really great at, uh, I don’t re- really have any good jokes?”

“Oh, c’mon, sure you do!” Jared exclaimed. “What about all those plant-based jokes used to tell me?”

Evan’s face turned slightly pink. “O- Okay, but only- only one.” He took a breath, deciding on what joke to tell. “Okay, uh, ask me what, um, ask me what an acorn is.”

“What’s an acorn?” Connor asked, grinning.

“Well, uh, in- in a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”

Connor chuckled. “That’s a good one.”

“Yeah,” Jared added. “Still not as good as mine, though.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Connor said. “Evan’s was obviously the best.”

“Thanks,” Evan said quietly.

“As amusing as all your jokes are,” Heidi said. “I have to cut in to tell you boys dinner is ready.”

“Oh,” Jared said. “Thank you, Heidi.”

“Anytime. Connor helped too.”

Connor shrugged. “It was nothing, really.”

“Well,” Jared said. “I’ll have to be careful about what I put on my taco.”

“Jared…” Evan muttered, his smile falling.

“Right,” Jared said quickly. He coughed. “Uh, sorry. I’m sure it’s great.”

“Oh, the vegetables I chopped up a perfectly fine.” Connor stated in a completely monotone voice. “The tortillas on the other hand… I am slightly suspicious of those…” He stared at Jared for a moment, then cracked into a smile. “I’m joking.” He snickered.

“Yeah, I knew that!” Jared defended.

Connor's face went serious again. “Maybe.”

“Oh, shut up and let me eat in ignorant bliss.” Jared said, grabbing a plate from the stack Heidi had set out.

Evan smiled. Maybe the two could learn to be friends.

As he was putting his taco together, he remembered to ask his mom about Jared staying the night. “Oh, uh, he- hey mom?”

“Hm?” She responded.

“Um, Jar- Jared wanted to know, uh, he was- was wondering if he could sleep here tonight?”

“Of course, honey! Oh, why don’t we just make it a sleepover with all three of you? That would be fun, right?”

“Uh…” Evan gave Connor a nervous, questioning look.

“That sounds good to me,” Connor said.

“O- okay, I guess we're having a sleepover, then.” Evan said, folding up his taco.

…… 

Connor was leaning against the arm of the couch, his chin resting in the palm of his hand, and his legs bent up next to him. After dinner, they had decided to binge the Back to the Future trilogy. Evan, who was sitting next to him, had apparently never seen any of the movies, to which finding this out Jared looked as if he’d failed as a friend, and, to be fair, he wasn’t really wrong.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. It had been vibrating all night, and he’d been ignoring it. He was pretty good at that. He decided to finally take it out and see how frantic his family was, since it was seriously unlikely that it was anybody else trying to contact him.

74 text from Cynthia and Zoe together, and 6 missed calls; two from his mom, three from Zoe, and one from Larry. _Well, fuck._ All the texts were something along the lines of ‘Where the hell are you, you better not be passed out in a ditch somewhere.’ and the most recent one;

[10:16] From Zoe:

Connor mom is going to call the police and I’m in half a mind to as well.

He sighed before texting her back.

[10:19] From Connor:

Jesus Christ don’t do that. I’m just at a friends house.

He got a text back almost immediately.

[10:19] From Zoe:

Yeah sure where the fuck are you moms on the verge of a mental break down and dads probably going to get his car and look for you himself

 _Yeah, that definitely sounds like him._ He thought sarcastically. Even in situations like this, Larry was much more likely to have someone else find him them put in the effort himself.

[10:20] From Connor:

I’m not lying.

[10:20] From Zoe:

Prove it then

He rolled his eyes and opened up his camera. He made a little peace sign along with the most dead-inside face he could muster, then took a look at the picture. Jared was sitting on the floor, completely on perturbed. Evan, on the other hand, startled by the flash, was halfway through turning, and therefore was blurry.

Connor snorted then looked up Evan, who is staring at him wide-eyed. “I needed a picture to send to my sister.” He explained.

“Oh,” Evan whispered.

Connor looked back down, texting the picture to Zoe.

[10:22] From Connor:

There, happy?

This time it took her a moment to text back.

[10:25] From Zoe:

Wtf???

[10:25] From Zoe:

Is that Jared Kleinman?? You hate him!

[10:25] From Zoe:

And who the hell is the other person??

[10:26] from Connor:

First off, yes, that’s Kleinman, and second, that’s Evan.

The three little dots indicating Zoe was texting him appeared, then disappeared for a second, then reappeared before he got a text back.

[10:27] From Zoe:

Evan?? As in Evan Hansen?? As in the guy you push the hall a few months ago???

[10:27] From Connor:

Yes, that Evan. Haven’t you seen us hanging out in the hall?

[10:28] From Zoe:

No???

[10:29] From Connor:

Whatever. Don’t wait up for me, I’m sleeping over here, and please, for the love of God, don’t let mom called the police.

[10:29] From Zoe:

When the hell did you become friends with Evan Hansen and Jared Kleinman?

[10:30] From Connor:

Look, can we just discuss this tomorrow?

[10:32] From Zoe:

Fine.

Connor sighed and slid his phone back in his pocket.

“Is everything okay?” Evan asked.

“Yeah,” Connor replied. “Everything’s fine, I was just texting Zoe.”

“Okay,” Evan said quietly, turning back to the movie.

…… 

At some point during their marathon, Evan had fallen asleep. Connor honestly wasn’t sure whether Jared was asleep or not, but he was curled up on the floor with a blanket draped over him.

Evan was now leaning against Connor. Connor’s arm was on the back of the couch, and Evan’s head was on his shoulder. Even in his sleep, Evan seemed to be trying to take up as little space is physically possible.

The light from the TV screen illuminated Evan’s fluffy blonde hair and dusty freckles, and if he were awake, his lovely sky blue eyes would be lit up as well.

He was truly peaceful in his sleep, a state you would rarely see him in while awake. It was sort of calming to see him this way. At the moment, all Connor really wanted to do was run his fingers through that soft hair.

Jared’s words came back to him. ‘You and Evan, huh?’ He wasn’t right, but at that moment Connor realized how much he wished he was, for once.

 _Fuck._ He was falling for Evan. He was helpless. He was completely, utterly, hopelessly in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering, yes, I did google tree-based jokes just for this.  
> Also, did anyone notice the parallels between Evan and Jared's fight in Chapter 4 and their conversation now?  
> Thank you, again, for reading my fanfic. I hope you're enjoying it. Hopefully, the next two chapters will be done sooner, since I've already started them and know where I want them to go, but I can't promise anything because school will be starting again soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry the chapter is a little short, the first few are but they'll get longer. I'd love to hear from you if you liked it!


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